Tag: novelty

Edgar Allan Pendant, I Mean Edgar Allan Poe

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Edgar Allan Pendant, I Mean Edgar Allan Poe
Have you ever seen a cooler Edgar Allan Poe Pendant? No you haven’t. Poe-lease! He was quite the ladies man so I’m sure he won’t mind nestling into your bosom as you go about your business, his head swinging around. What I’m saying is that your cleavage is the pit and he is the pendulum. Heh. That was just a little literary joke.

Is it just me or does he look like he belongs in the Addams family? I think I read somewhere that he is a member of the Addams family, but they left him in the Lurch! Still, that’s better than being left to Fester! Ha. I crack myself up. And thanks to the safety of the internet, you can’t throw rotten vegetables at me. I win again!

Necronomicon Prayer Candles

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Necronomicon Prayer Candles
It’s the lighting of the dead! These Necronomicon Prayer Candles will have you saying a prayer alright. Dear God in heaven, what ancient evil have I conjured up in my quest for spooky mood lighting?

SmallMagicBindery has many styles to choose from and all will have you on your knees, praying to your God, while crying and trying in vain not to poop yourself as a portal opens up, letting horrible nightmare monsters in. Oops. It happened. You pooped yourself. You can either stop to wipe, or run. I suggest running with your big ol’ mud-butt.
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Steampunk Gas Masks Cufflinks

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Steampunk Gas Masks Cufflinks
These Steampunk Gas Masks Cufflinks will come in handy during special occasions. You want cufflinks that say, “You farted and even my accessories know it.” I was gonna wear some classy cufflinks, but once I looked at the gas list guest list and saw how many serial farters were attending this little shindig, I knew I had to be prepared with the proper wrist accessories.

You’ll notice that they go well with the full sized gas mask I’m wearing on my head. You got a fan in here? You might want to turn that baby on and crank it up to 11. Smells like somebody wrapped a dead body in old cheese.
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Weird Art Prints- Faux Taxidermy Cameos

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Weird Art Prints- Faux Taxidermy Cameos
These Weird Art Prints- Faux Taxidermy Cameos from LuxCups are fun and freaky. I would totally wear them, but I can’t, because they’re prints. You have your shark in a suit (Must be a lawyer), a nun with a dinosaur head, Godzilla as a priest and more. I wish I could get these guys as action figures.

I’m weird like that, but that’s why you and I get along. I bring you the weird and freaky stuff, you bring me warm fuzzy feelings. Nevermind. Didn’t realize I was rubbing the fuzzy dice hanging from my computer. OUCH! Never mind. It was a pair of bees! Damn my bad eyesight and your furry hides!

Anyway, the point is we’re all good, you and me, but if it’s a parasite host relationship kind of deal, I’m pretty sure I’m the parasite. Just sayin’. No need to flush me out of your bowels or anything though. I’m the good kind. Of course, that’s just what a parasite would say, isn’t it? I guess you’re just gonna have to trust me. We got a mutually beneficial thing going on here.
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The Digestive System: Everybody Eats & Poops T-Shirt

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Everybody Eats & Poops
Everybody eats and everybody poops. So get over yourself. You aren’t anything special. What’s with you? Acting like your poop doesn’t stink! That can of lysol on your toilet says different. Anyway, check out this cool The Digestive System: Everybody Eats & Poops T-Shirt. Yay! At last I can put my bodily functions on display for all to see. Without having to drop anchor and open my bomb hatch. (I like to pretend I’m an old sea ship during war time. And I just encountered an enemy sub. Pew! Pew! Pew! Direct hit! That was a close one. Time to write about it in my Captain’s log!)

It’s fun and educational. Laterz! The alarm just sounded and there’s a sub approaching. Oh man- Fired to early. Now I gotta go scrub the hull! Hopefully I won’t find any barnacles.
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