MirrorsByMiMi sells some pretty cool compacts, many of them Creepy Compact Mirrors with Gothic themes. They have spiders, Medusas and skeletons and more. Flip it open and put on your makeup ladies, cuz I know you are all gunning for this stud.
Speaking of guns. *Flexes my arms, raising them above my head. Kisses them. Lowers them all out of breath.* I need more practice before I do that again. I think I threw my back out.
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This Cthulhu Priestess: Our Lady of Squid figure belongs on your altar. I know you have one cuz you worship Cthulhu. Well, now you have another deity to pray to. You know why her religion is taking off so fast? Cuz her church is full of suckers! Get it? Ha ha ha. Suckers. *crying* I really crack myself up. But really, this is Cthulhu’s wife so, it’s legit. I’m pretty sure it is sanctioned by the church and everything.
Our Lady of the Squid,
hallowed be your name.
Your tentacles come,
your will be done,
on earth, as it is in the sea.
Give us this day our daily terror,
and forgive us our non-tentacles arms….
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Do you know what Memento mori means? I had to look it up, cuz you know, 3rd grade education here. It means “remember that you must die”. I was like, okay thanks for the advice. And to you? Remember that you must get a fist to your face! Remind me about my mortality will you? Anyway, this Memento Mori Mourning Ring can be worn in morning and in mourning. Anytime you like actually. Anytime you feel like you need a big old fly on your knuckle with a skull on it’s butt. It looks like the Hell’s Angels of flies.
He’s all like, “A picnic? Let me land on your hot dog. have a look at my big old badonkadonk skull! Enjoy the plague!”
Let an Elder Thing keep your area smelling fresh and fragrant. I know, that sounded bad. I didn’t mean “your area”. I mean the room that you are in. Silly guttersnipes. This The Elderizer Electric Air Freshener is the way to go. It brings the horror and the fresh scents. That’s a combo you don’t see every day.
It is based on an Elder Thing, as described in the Necronomicon of Abdul Alhazred, as well as the famed correspondence to Miskatonic University from the Mountains of Madness. If it drives you insane at least your home will smell nice.
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Cool. I always wanted to know how to make a poisoned apple. Now I can, thanks to this handy Poisoned Apple Witch Spell. Nah, I’m not gonna poison anybody. That would be bad. It’s just a good trick to know. Let’s say someone is going to mug me in an alley. I’ll offer the dude an apple. If he still mugs me, he deserves what he gets. He’ll take my wallet and a bite of apple before he runs off. Then I’ll just follow in the direction of where he ran, eventually stumble on his corpse and retrieve my wallet.
You took a bite of the apple son. I took a bite out of crime. Deal with it loser.
Or I could, you know, just display this thing in my house during Halloween. Yeah, that’s morally the better choice. Probably.