Tag: strange

Mirror Framed By Fingers

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Mirror Framed By Fingers
Um, Okay… This is a Mirror Framed By Fingers. For reals. It has fingers all around it. Looking in this mirror is gonna be a white-knuckle ride baby. Are they all middle fingers? I have no idea, but I’m flipping this thing off like a hundred times, just so we’re even.

Fingers, fingers, on the wall, who’s got the fairest fingers of them all? I do. Mine are the fairest. You just have the most. I would count how many you have, but I don’t have enough fingers to count that high. I might just get this, cuz the mirror I currently have is all thumbs… Not fingers.

Vampire Demon Tombstone Statue

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Vampire Demon Tombstone Statue
This Vampire Demon Tombstone Statue is exactly what you need if you have a vampire/demon to bury. It has a crazy gargoyle/demon on top just so there’s no doubt that this is a Vampire’s grave. To bad you can’t customize the gravestone.

Here lies Dracula.
Killed by a stake on the end of a spatula.
His life was spectacular.

Here lies a filthy demon
He died while screamin’
The cross against his chest was steamin’

The Wooden Tarot Card Deck

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The Wooden Tarot Card Deck
*Grabs my new Wooden Tarot Card Deck. Gets ready for my next customer to come in the shop.* Good day sir. Let us consult the cards and divine your future. Wanna cut the deck? I have a full house, how about you? Never mind, give me those back. *Shuffles like a madman* Hmmmm. This card is interesting.

Is it the death card?

Nope, Go fish! JK JK. No, it’s the fool card. Very appropriate since you paid like $200 for this session. Now shhhhhh. I’m concentrating. No. No. It’s gone now. Hmmmm. Did you recently come into some money recently?

Actually yes I-

Can you shut up? I’m trying to give you a reading here? Sheesh.

You will meet a tall and handsome stranger, but that’s just me. Congrats by the way. I hear I’m really awesome to be around. Hmmmm. This is very interesting. I see you in a relationship. I see a woman in a kitchen. This card says that she’s waiting.

That is my wife. She expects me home for dinner in an hour.

What is for dinner? Let me draw the card. Is it steak? Spare Ribs? Sueeee-wheat! I am starving! We’ll continue this over dinner.
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Gargoyle Claw Back Scratcher – There Will Be Blood

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Gargoyle Claw Back Scratcher - There Will Be BloodThis Gargoyle Claw Back Scratcher comes in several different colors. All will scratch your back like a crazed Gargoyle. They will scratch that itch, whether it’s a seven year itch, or other itch. Okay back scratcher, you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. Looks like you don’t have a back, so it’s gonna be all me. Oh yeah. It’s the Itchy and Scratchy show up in here. Oh yeah, right there. Harder. Harder. A little deeper. There ya go. *shakes it’s hand and puts it back on the shelf.* Was it as good for you as it was for me?

Jack Skellington Ceramic Bowl

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Jack Skellington Ceramic BowlAt last, I can eat my cereal out of an angry skull. This Jack Skellington Ceramic Bowl will have you singing, “What’s this? What’s this?” and jumping around on your too long, bony legs. Then your dad will smack you and say, “It’s a bowl stupid! Now sit down and eat!” My dad tolerated no shenanigans at the breakfast table.

Just pour your cereal in his gaping mouth, pour in the milk and eat up. Even though you’re eating from a skeleton’s mouth and getting all of his icky skeleton germs. “What’s this? What’s this?” *Slap!* “It’s the skeleton flu cuz you been mouth to mouth-ing with old bones. Now shut up and eat!”