Tag: strange

C-3PO Star Wars Bra: The Bust Awakens

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

C-3PO Star Wars Bra The Bust Awakens
Ummm. No. Not interested in anyone wearing this. And I’m as nerdy as they come, collecting my star wars vehicles. Nerdy as a box of Nerds candy and twice as sweet, but no way. Just no. Cuz any woman wearing this is a man baby! How do I know? They call 3PO Goldenrod in the movies for a reason. Well maybe I might be interested. You would have to call me R2 and let me access your data with my robot interface stick. I can roleplay with the best of them. Especially when all I’m saying is beep bloop bippity bleep.

You would say stuff like. “Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating a C-3PO bra and actually getting it off is approximately 3,720 to 1.” Then I’ll say, “Never tell me the odds.” Of course I’ll get it off and then my erectile dysfunction would kick in and you would say, “The chances of satisfaction are 725 to 1. Actually Artoo has been known to make mistakes… from time to time… Oh dear…”

Nah. Too much work. I can just sit here and blog feeling defeated without all that hocus pocus. Droid boobs are overrated and I’m not buying anything second hand from a Jawa. Are those C cups? Makes sense C-3PO=C cups.

Concrete Cyclops Skull

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Concrete Cyclops Skull
Okay Cyclops Skull, keep an eye on the garden for me. Get it? If you do just say aye! I kid, I kid. I just like talking to my garden decorations. Say, I need to plug in the weed whacker. Do you have a spare socket? Zing! Burn! I got you so good. We are having so much pun. Wanna hear some music? I’ll get my eye-pad. Where is it? Hmmm. Keep an eye out for me will ya? Man, I crack myself up. *Drops skull in garden* Laterz. Eye have to go eat!

Next day…

*Walks out to the garden whistling. Trips over cyclops skull and gets impaled by a rake. Dying…* Eye…Eye…Eye sorry. Ha ha ha erg gasp choke gurgle dead.

KaijuMon Pokemon Kaiju Art Prints

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

KaijuMon Pokemon Kaiju Art Prints
Pokemon + Kaiju = KaijuMon! That is an awesome monster hybrid right there. Check out these cool art prints from MikeGoesGeek featuring different KaijuMon. These Pokemon catch all of us! There’s Venusaur and Onix, Charizard and Chrmander, Blastoise and Aerodactyl and more. These monsters are here to chew bubblegum and kick ass and they are all out of bubblegum. PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE THEM SOME GUM! Nevermind, there goes the candy store under Blastoise’s foot. Now he’s pissed he has gooey nasty candy stuck to his foot along with the head of the store clerk.

Oh well, it’s all over now. I TOLD YOU KIDS TO STOP HUNTING POKEMON. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? HOW FUN IS IT NOW? I’m off to loot toilet paper and cigs so I have some currency in this new world. What’s left of it.
Read more “KaijuMon Pokemon Kaiju Art Prints”

Skull Full Of Souls Box

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Skull Full Of Souls Box
This Skull Full Of Souls Box is a great place to keep all of your trinkets, candy,dice, whatever. Tormented souls are all over thing thing. Kinda like this blog. *Rim shot* Nah. I love ya all even if you do have problems. And I’m saying that wearing a sequinned dress made out of meat as I kick back glass after glass of whiskey.

Don’t judge. Not my fault I Quantum Leap all over the place. Once I set stuff right, I’m outta here. Today was “Try a sequinned dress made out of meat” day. Still haven’t leaped. Running out of ideas. F Lady Gaga anyway. *Falls and breaks neck.*

*Blue light everywhere. Leaping! I’m leaping!*

Oh THATS what needed to be set right!
Read more “Skull Full Of Souls Box”

See How You Measure Up With Measuring Tape Toilet Paper

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

See How You Measure Up With Measuring Tape Toilet Paper
Measuring Tape Toilet Paper is a great way to gauge how well your pooper is workin’. Are you wiping a two inch streak or a ten inch streak. Find out with this handy dandy toilet paper. It’s great for boredom while pooping too. You can measure body parts, the nearby window, your schmeckel, whatever. Then when you are all pooped out, wipe yourself and measure your skid mark if you want. I ain’t gonna stop ya.

It’s easy to get a long skid mark if your colon can’t put on the brakes and pinch that loaf clean. Yay! I win! Anyway you’re supposed to measure twice and poop once. Thrice on taco night.