Tag: strange

This Needle Felted Tarantula Is Scary, Hairy Too

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

This Needle Felted Tarantula Is Scary, Hairy Too
As if I didn’t have enough things to fear. Why would they create this Needle Felted Tarantula? That is one hairy looking, scary looking piece of horror that is about to get stomped on by my foot. Well, it would get stomped, if I wasn’t cowering in terror right now, hunched over my keyboard inside of a tent. I think I covered every hole big enough for a spider to get through. I used glue, staples, duct tape, a sock and some gummi bears. Why do I even look at the internet?

Fun fact: I used to think spiders ate eyes, because people told me they have eight eyes. Now I honestly don’t know which is creepier. Also once thought they ate people’s legs when in fact they have eight legs. Anyway, I’m safe now in my little sanctuary. Look at that thing. All hairy and gross. What are you Hairy Houdini? I’m not afraid in my tent. Bring it on. You would have to be Houdini to get in here. I- OH F**K! IT WAS ALREADY IN THE TENT!

Dr. Frankenstein Antique Apothecary Jar Collection

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Dr. Frankenstein Antique Apothecary Jar Collection
You need to get your mad scientist lab in order. I’m not saying it isn’t up to code or anything. It’s just that you could use more cool stuff and you want your experiments to get super freaky and wild. Like this Dr. Frankenstein Antique Apothecary Jar Collection. It’s got everything an up and coming insane person could want to re-animate stuff, create mutants, turn your poop rainbow colored etc.

You get a customized jar with a hand sculpted human heart, a jar with a hand sculpted human liver(Goes nice with a bottle of Chianti and some fava beans), an antique style medical battery, a jar of human cadaver eyeballs, a flask on a metal base for blood storage and an antique style medical pump that works. Hot damn. I’m gonna finally create life. And not cuz I got a girl pregnant. *Screams* It’s alive! It’s alive! *Squish* It was a cockroach. I killed it. All good now. Man, I hate those things. What do you have to do to get rid of them? Actually clean your house?
Read more “Dr. Frankenstein Antique Apothecary Jar Collection”

Just Your Everyday Illuminati / Black Magic Teddy Bear Lamp

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Just Your Everyday Illuminati Black Magic Teddy Bear Lamp
Looky here. An Illuminati Teddy Bear Lamp. Also claims to be black magic. They also had Voodoo in their title. I’m surprised they didn’t mention Santeria. I had that once. I’m pretty sure it means having the runs during Christmas. Seriously though, this thing has some bad juju. I think they confused illuminati with illumination. Obvious mistake. Now ya got some half crazed devil teddy bear with a lamp on his head making you worship some freaky deity every night.

Hey, I don’t judge. You wanna have a scare-bear go for it. You won’t find this thing on my night stand. Don’t mess with the illuminati. Period. End of story, That’s all she wrote. Because a demon bear attacked her. Illuminati. As in Illumi-NOT-I. Ain’t gonna have it.

Click through for an image of a half crazed feline under it’s spell.
Read more “Just Your Everyday Illuminati / Black Magic Teddy Bear Lamp”

Women’s Meat Printed Socks

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Women's Meat Printed Socks
These Women’s Meat Printed Socks let you put some tenderloin on your tootsies. Some pork on your little piggies. Some bacon on your bunyons. You get the point. What could be better than meat on your feet? Not a damn thing. And now that they make socks that look like meat, I will no longer have to slip my feet into those choice cuts from the meat department. Hey, it gets cold during the winter. My floors are a bacterial nightmare. Look at how nicely marbled these are. You tenderize ’em in the washer and dryer.

Meat. It’s what’s for dinner. Also, it’s what’s for laundry. I’m gonna wear these to my local meat-up. It’s pork week. Like shark week only we’re the predators.

Sterling Silver Bat Skeleton Necklace

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

Sterling Silver Bat Skeleton Necklace
There’s something on me. Get it off! Get it off! What is it? Oh it’s cute. In the way all things are cute after it’s flesh has vaporized. Look at this Sterling Silver Bat Skeleton Necklace. It’s adorable. Look at him feeding from that woman’s neck. He ain’t gonna stop until she’s completely dry. He’s a little Vampire bat. Who’s the cute wittle vampire wampire bat? He just wants to hug. Hug and suck the life force out of you.
Read more “Sterling Silver Bat Skeleton Necklace”