This is the kind of bling I’m looking for. A Miniature Gold Toilet With Opening Lid Necklace. I bet it even has a little diamond poop inside too. I always wanted a gold toilet, so I could show it to all the peeps on MTV cribs when they come to check out my sweet Hollywood mansion. Obviously that never happened, but at least I can wear this cool gold commode and pretend.
Toilet bling. That’s what I’m talking about. Now do I put the picture of a loved one inside the lid or someone I hate?
This ring is coming up snake eyes! This Adjustable Snake Eye Ring puts a pair of snake eyes on your finger. Along with it’s icky yucky snake skin. I love this ring. Whenever anyone displeases me I’m gonna raise my ring and shout, “The eyes of the snake are upon you. Back off lest ye be judged by the serpent god!” I have no idea what that means, but it sounds cool as hell and scary. And when they look into those snake eyes, they will feel the wrath of the serpent.
Speaking of which, I’m feeling the wrath of the serpent right now. Me go pee pee. Bye bye.
These Scary Laser Cut Necklaces from CuriologyLtd are so spooky and scary. They will turn your neck into a haunted scene that will turn heads a full 360 degrees like in The Exorcist. But don’t worry, they won’t spit green pea soup at you as they are admiring your necklace. These scenic necklaces are all laser cut. Not phaser cut. Laser cut. Phasers don’t cut well enough, cuz it’s just a phase, but lasers? Lasers will cut you and blind you and kill space aliens. They probably cut these with a friggin’ ray-gun. Pew pew pew! Look what I created!
They have black magic cats, spiders, all kinds of creepy neck wear.
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Yo, where my Poes at? Girls who like Poe, I mean. You ladies are in for a special treat. I’m gonna cuff ya. Sounds kinky I know. It is. I’m gonna cuff you good baby. And just when you think you can’t take anymore, I’ll ask if you want me to stop. Then you’ll shout Nevermore. Don’t stop! Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m talking about this Edgar Allan Poe Nevermore Brass Cuff Bracelet.
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary…. That’s some pro pros right there from a pro prose writer. Also, that is one sexy bracelet cuff.
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Man, Nosferatu gets all the girls. Lucky guy. If I was clinging to that body the way this Nosferatu Vampire Tank Dress is, I’d get slapped. Is it a tank top? Is it a dress? I have no idea, but Nosferatu is on the scene, creeping around that girl’s boobies. Oddly enough I’ve heard the same phrase uttered about me. I have to work on my game. Right now I’m at checkers level, but one day I’m gonna be in the world championships of hitting on pretty women. Mind if I practice? Here are some pick up lines:
If I told you I loved Nosferatu, would you hold him against me?
Mind if I rub his bald head?
You must have turned me into a vampire girl, cuz I’m up all night thinking about you.
I think I need a lot of work.