Tag: tentacles

Sarah Squid Seems Sad

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Sarah Squid Seems Sad
Sarah Squid Seems Sad. Maybe she’s mad, I can’t tell. I’ll say this. She’s well dressed for her period. No, I just mean she’s dressed in period clothing. Not saying it’s that time of the month. Although, judging from that grumpy look… Am I right guys?

*Gets slapped by a suckered tentacle and knocked to the ground.* No, I’m just saying that style is period appropriate, you know- *Smack. Gets face full of squid ink.* Hey that ink is red. You really are- *Smack!* Staying down this time ma’am.
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Crazy Baby Octo-Fetus

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Crazy Baby Octo-Fetus
Octo-Fetus doesn’t need us. It just wants the human race out of it’s fetus face.

Here is the sonogram of your new baby. Would you like to know the baby’s sex?

*Stares with mouth hanging open. Shuts mouth with hand. Turns to wife.*

You told me you and Cthulhu were just friends. That explains the day I came home early to find his tentacles all over you. He’s a licensed masseuse you said. Didn’t put one tentacle where it didn’t belong you said. Well, he put something somewhere.
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Octo-Hat With Tentacles

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Octo-Hat With Tentacles
Need a cool hat that has style? Don’t get your panties in a bunch, but do get your tentacles in a bunch with the Octo-Hat. It will give you gorgeous long tentacle locks that you will want to curl and tease. The tentacles double a scarf. I wonder if the tentacles have suckers, cuz I don’t want no octo-hickeys on my neck.  Am I the only one who finds the eyes on this thing super grumpy?

Don’t be an Octo-puss. Get an Octo-Hat.
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Octo Glow Lamp

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Octo Glow Lamp
Oh look an Octo Glow Lamp that looks like a relic you can worship. *Kneeling before my 8 tentacled new master.* What is thy bidding my master? *Head lights up as it communicates with my mind and puts me in a trance.* Yesssss. But of course. *Returns a few minutes later with a brown M and M. Places it before him.* My offering my master.

Yessss. Of course I will buy bacon and beer in celebration of your greatness. Was gonna do that anyway. I think you and I will get along great. *Pets it’s glowing head.*

Cthulhu Beard Made From A Green Octopus Tentacle

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Cthulhu Beard Made From A Green Octopus Tentacle
What’s up Cthulhu? I see you took my advice and grew a Cthulhu beard. See, now you look like a wise and evil ancient horror. You’re welcome. What? No, I’m not gonna help you trim that thing. All these scissors are gonna do is cut off like a million bits of tentacle until it looks like a serial killer fought an octopus in here. Okay fine, hold still.

An hour later…

*Sweeping up tentacle shavings from all over the floor.* What’s that? Bag it up and take all of it to a restaurant? Some place that serves calamari? So that your evil can affect the bellies of a million mortals? Sounds like a plan. It’s all swept up and I’m outta here. I’ll check in on you next week and we’ll see about fixing that computer problem. No, I know, there’s really no reason your Facebook doesn’t work. You adjusted the rabbit ears and everything.

*Grumbles.* Christ, this guy’s worse than my own grandmother. Oh well. Ya gotta be cool to your elders.