Tag: vampire

Post Human Vampire Skulls

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Post Human Vampire Skulls
These Post Human Vampire Skulls are gonna give me nightmares. Apparently these things were genetically enhanced to give them improvements over the average human. It’s like The Terminator and Dracula had a baby and that baby ate the world, draining one corpse at a time, then plugging it’s cyborg self into some receptacle and charging up. Still, dudes got a great profile. I’d kill to look that awesome in pictures. That’s like a quality yearbook picture from Killer Vampire Robot High. Picture like that will land you a sweet wife and an awesome job.

Unlike me. My picture landed me an angry wife and weird job blogging about strange and freaky stuff. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Anyhow I don’t think I could type without a woman screaming in the background anymore and the occasional object sailing past my head. NO, I WILL NEVER STOP USING THE FANCY DINNERWARE TO CUT MY SNICKERS BARS WITH A FORK AND KNIFE! THANK YOU FOR ASKING!
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Marceline The Vampire Queen’s Bass Axe

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Marceline The Vampire Queen's Bass Axe
I’ll never forget the first time I saw Adventure Time and heard that theme song, “Adventure Time, c’mon grab your friends..” Since I had none I had to grab a sock puppet and watch it with him. I called him Herbert. He smells like cheese. Anyway, this is Marceline The Vampire Queen’s Bass Axe.

It’s a pretty cool replica and I’m all about that bass. No treble! It looks like an official instrument in the Pepto Bismol battle of the bands. You thrash, you rock, you ease your indigestion and then play something soft.

Custom Nosferatu Vampire Tank Dress

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Custom Nosferatu Vampire Tank Dress
Man, Nosferatu gets all the girls. Lucky guy. If I was clinging to that body the way this Nosferatu Vampire Tank Dress is, I’d get slapped. Is it a tank top? Is it a dress? I have no idea, but Nosferatu is on the scene, creeping around that girl’s boobies. Oddly enough I’ve heard the same phrase uttered about me. I have to work on my game. Right now I’m at checkers level, but one day I’m gonna be in the world championships of hitting on pretty women. Mind if I practice? Here are some pick up lines:

If I told you I loved Nosferatu, would you hold him against me?

Mind if I rub his bald head?

You must have turned me into a vampire girl, cuz I’m up all night thinking about you.

I think I need a lot of work.

Vampire Costume For Babies

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Vampire Costume For Babies
This Vampire Costume For Babies will turn your little bundle of joy into a well dressed blood sucker. College usually does the same thing, but why wait? You won’t believe your little ray of sunshine after you put this on him. He’ll be drinking from a blood red bottle, adverse to sunlight and may even turn into a bat as he escapes his huggies. What a cute little scamp-pire.

Until he tries to bite your neck at feeding time. It’s all good though. Could be worse. He could be the Wolfman. Baby Wolfmen leave hair everywhere. And whole chicken carcasses.

Nosferatu Creepin’ Up Your Stairs…Coming To Get You

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Nosferatu Creepin' Up Your Stairs
Oh hell no. Stay away from me Nosferatu. I see your shadow. Because I keep all of the lights on in case you boogeymen come to get me. All full of boogers and probably blowing your nose in some old handkerchief. I’m not scared of you. I’m just exiting the house and standing in the snow because I’m hot. That’s all. Do what you want in there. You own the place now. I’m a lover, not a fighter. I’ll sign the deed over first thing in the morning.

This is actually how I lost my first house, by giving it away to a Nosferatu vinyl decal I forgot was there. I hope he’s happy on his one wall, with no one to scream like a sissy every time I would turn the corner.

So basically what you have here is Nosferatu on vinyl. Great album. Had classics like, The Transylvania Twerk, It’s Raining Blood(Hallelujah), The Nosferatu Shuffle, You Are The Wind Beneath My Bat-Wings and my personal favorite, Your Neck, My Mouth.