You want me to put my nuts where now? Ohhhh, it’s for those nuts. Not deez nuts. Gotcha. This Freddy Krueger Nutcracker is all about cracking nuts rather than invading dreams and spouting silly one-liners. Legend says that if you keep him busy with enough nuts, he won’t have time to cause any trouble in your dreams. It is perfect for a very scary Christmas.
Author: Artemis Winterford
Nightmare Fuel – Terrifying Tarantula Girl Doll
Oh hell no! No matter how cute you try to look, you are still a Tarantula Girl Doll. I’m trying to say, in the nicest way possible, that your face makes me scream. Check out the second pic of her on a date with Mr. Tarantula if you want an extra creepy-crawly feeling. This makes me so glad that tarantulas are not in humanoid girl form. It’s actually more for display. In a house of horrors!
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Awesome Cryptozoology Cryptid Action Figures
Forget GI Joes and Star Wars figures. These Cryptozoology Cryptid Action Figures are the toys you need to be playing with. The set includes Bigfoot, Yeti, Loch Ness Monster, Jackalope, Kraken, Furry Trout, and Coelacanth. Man, I hope they release a UFO playset so I can have the aliens drop Bigfoot off to harass people.
Also gonna mix these with some Gangster action figures so I can pit the bloods against the Crypts… tids.
Furry and Googly Eyed Monster Jacket
Damn that sh*t is stylish! It works the runway and folks runaway! This Furry and Googly Eyed Monster Jacket ate up that woman’s entire torso. I bet it won’t stop until it eats up those dolphin-toe shorts. She looks like she’s in a police lineup next other normally dressed perps and hearing some dude say, “Yeah, that’s the furry motha f**ker right there!” Monster torso is all the rage this year. And every year obviously.
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Gothic Damask Skull Coasters
Set your drinks on something classy like these Gothic Damask Skull Coasters. They will go perfectly with your creepy chic decor. You get a set of 4 coasters filled with skulls. Cuz nobody likes stains on their tables and counters. I never leave a stain though. You know why? I do not stain cuz I abstain, which is the opposite of stain. That’s means you don’t cast your vote. It’s also a law term for courtrooms. Oh yeah? I also plead the fifth every night. You are in court every night? No, in the bar, where I ask for a fifth of Jack Daniels. Case closed!