Author: Artemis Winterford

Creepy Cool Hobo Nickels

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

Creepy Cool Hobo Nickels
Don’t spend these Creepy Cool Hobo Nickels all in one place. What’s a hobo nickel? I guess it’s what you pay hobos for doing hobo stuff. I’m gonna be a hobo so I can get some of these cool nickels. Gonna ride the rails all day, look all dirty, carry a knapsack and every Friday and go to the hobo payment center where I’m gonna collect all of the nickels. Sweet! People are always calling me a hobo anyway.

That’s not what we call you?

Really? What is that name you guys are always calling me?

You’ll figure it out. Use your rhyming skills.

Well I- Ohhhhhhh. I get it…. Do they have nickels too?
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Alien Head Metal Wall Art

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Alien Head Metal Wall Art
Stare into this Alien Head Metal Wall Art and the alien will stare into your soul. Seems pretty cool right? It is. Until you realize that it’s a portal to an alien UFO. *Cue Twilight Zone music.* A doorway, through time and space, to a… butt probing zone.

This is how they get you. You buy weird stuff that they planted as bait. You take it home. And they have their next rectum, I mean victim. You just bought yourself a doorway to an intergalactic proctology office. Have fun with that. This is why I don’t decorate with aliens, unless they come in the middle of the night and my shotgun decorates the wall with their glowing blood.

Donald Trump Weathervane

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Donald Trump Weathervane
Which way is the wind blowing? I don’t know, why don’t you see which way Trump’s toupee is blowing? This $15,000.00 Donald Trump Weathervane will be fun to watch spin around. North, south, east or west. You’re all fired! Now excuse me while I spin my fat face in another direction! Let’s make America fat in the face again!

This thing will make your head spin too.
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Anatomical Skeleton Teapots

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Anatomical Skeleton Teapots
Etsy seller bycandlelight27 has some really nifty teapots for sale if you like anatomy. And I do like anatomy. I was checking out the anatomy on this girl at the coffee shop earlier. She had a fine set of teapots, but her cups were a little small- But that’s not important right now.

Back to these teapots. They come in a skull, ribs and a hand version. That way you can think about the human body while you pour your tea and appreciate all of your parts. Nature really is amazing. Even if those parts are all icky and sticky and gross.

Want some tea? You can’t have any. It’s called anato-ME, not anato-YOU.
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Universal Monsters Makeup Brush Holder

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Universal Monsters Makeup Brush Holder
You know, some girls look like monsters before they put on their makeup. Not you. You are beautiful. Never change. But some girls. Like that one down the street with the unibrow, who I never see during full moons, yet her front yard is always covered in chicken carcasses the day after. Yeah, that one is a real minger! Don’t tell her I said so. Anyway, this Universal Monsters Makeup Brush Holder is perfect for all of you beautiful and lovely creepbay-reading ladies who love monsters. Now you can put your face on with Dracula, the mummy and the rest of the gang.