Author: Artemis Winterford

Cthulhu Chibi Doll Is A Real Terror Tot

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Cthulhu Chibi Doll Is A Real Terror Tot
Awwww look how cute? An ancient evil has awakened. A Cthulhu Chibi Doll. He’s cute, he’s naked and he’s mad. I would be mad too, if I was missing my low hanging tentacle. Poor guy has no pee-pee, but he has all of the other powers an ancient evil typically has. Hey, don’t judge my man Chibi Cthulhu. It’s not the size of the tentacle, it’s how you wiggle it around under your trench coat. Or so I’ve heard. The point is this little guy is adorable. I’ll try to stop focusing on what’s missing.

No. Can’t do it. Dude needs a wiener. Just drew one on my screen. That’s better. I feel like he’s complete now. I also feel like it’s called permanent marker for a reason. That dong is gonna follow me everywhere online just like the NSA.
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Kanye West – Reanimator

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Kanye West - Reanimator
What happens when H.P. Lovecraft meets Kanye West? I have no idea, but the lack of talent known as Kanye West is now starring in a classic H.P. Lovecraft tale. Just how do you transplant the personality of a wet fart into classic literature? I have no idea since I’m not going to read it and find out. I just wanted all of you to know that this exists.

Preserved Maggot Filled Heart Pendant

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Preserved Maggot Filled Heart Pendant
Nothing says love like a Preserved Maggot Filled Heart Pendant. I love you. Here have some dead maggots. Because you wiggled your way into my rotting heart like a hungry maggot on a piece of meat that had been left out in the sun. And you just kept feeding on me… Our love is kinda weird.

Yeah, I should totally write greeting cards. And because I care enough to send the very best to those that I love, I’m getting this pendant for a very special lady. Maybe she will be my maggot queen. When I kiss her, she will turn into a fly. And that’s gonna be really annoying, cuz she’s gonna land on my food and stuff, so I’m gonna have to smack her with the flyswatter! Love is eternal sure, but don’t land on the filthy toilet seat with your fly legs and then land on my dinner!

Severed Finger Candles

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Severed Finger Candles
These Severed Finger Candles will be perfect for any birthday cake that you want to give the finger to. Give it several fingers cuz you don’t give a f**k. I stared at this image of candles for like an hour already cuz someone flipped me off today behind a fence and I was trying to pick it out of a lineup. There! I finger that one.

If you will excuse me, I have to go now. I have a date with some finger food just as soon as I buy it with my five finger discount. Hopefully they won’t finger me in a police lineup. That sounded dirty. I apologize. Police only do that in dirty movies. Anyway, I give these candles 2 middle fingers up. It’s the highest honor I can bestow on them.

Dracula Vs Van Helsing Chess Set

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Dracula Vs Van Helsing Chess Set
Dracula, meet Van Helsing. FIGHT! This Dracula Vs Van Helsing Chess Set is perfect for fans of Vampires and vampire hunters. I saw this set and just had to share it. You know, get it off my chess. I mean chest. I’m getting my words confused again. That happens sometimes, like that one time I told that lady, “Hey, nice chest set!” and got slapped. That was the last time I commented on a chess game. People are so touchy. She did have a nice chest set, but that’s beside the point.

Anyway, this is a sweet chess set for you eggheads who know how to play. My brain capacity maxes out at checkers. King me!