Author: Artemis Winterford

Sewn Bones: Plush Animal Skeletons

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Sewn Bones Plush Animal Skeletons
Floozey (Hey,didn’t we meet in a seedy bar one night?) makes these cool, cuddly and creepy Sewn Bones: Plush Animal Skeletons. Experience the softer side of skeletons. You can choose from rats, a two-headed Pug, a Dragon’s head and more. At least these bones will never be broken.

I’m gonna get the rat and name it Cal C. Um. Maybe I’ll get the Pug too and call their heads Ribby Allen and Mia Marrow. Hell, I’ll just have a plush menagerie of bone pets.
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UFO Alien Abduction Sign

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UFO Alien Abduction Sign
Let your overnight guests know that aliens frequent your bedroom. This UFO Alien Abduction Sign will let them know that they could potentially be lying in bed minding their own business, when a beam of blue light lifts them out of bed.

They tried that shizz on me once. I was floating and rising up, then I heard their machinery straining and smelled smoke. Once their tractor beam broke, I fell back on my bed like a floppy fat fish and thanked God for my second helping of Cheetos and three bowls of ice cream. I win f***ers!

Chupacabra Skeleton Faux-Scientific Print

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Chupacabra Skeleton Faux-Scientific Print
The Chupacabra is real. You know it and I know it. Also, the government scientists who accidentally let it escape the lab? They know it too. So let’s all just stop pretending and let’s address the white elephant pale goat-sucker sitting in the middle of the room. Now that we have established that fact, all that’s left is to stay the hell away from it. And also to get some cool art to put on our wall. To remind us to stay alert for this beast. This Chupacabra Skeleton Faux-Scientific Print is awesome. Faux? Fo sure!

Remember, if you see him, stay the hell away from this thing. He’s likely to give you some lab created disease that will make you rise from the dead and be his undead vampire servant.

Frankenstein’s Monster And The Bride Of Frankenstein Pillow Cases

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Frankenstein's Monster And The Bride Of Frankenstein Pillow Cases
What a lovely couple. Let’s hope they don’t reproduce. But enough about me and my wife. These Frankenstein’s Monster And The Bride Of Frankenstein Pillow Cases are the perfect gift for that couple that has a monster of a marriage. I would put these on my bed, but it already looks like that when we are both laying there seething at each other.

You monster!

No, you’re the monster!

I’m Doctor Frankenstein so you must be my monster!

If I’m the monster than you are the bride of the monster!

You’re the monster! Infinity!

Bigfoot Sasquatch Metal Bookends

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Bigfoot Sasquatch Metal Bookends
This pair of Bigfoot Sasquatch Metal Bookends is the perfect place for all of my UFO and unexplained stuff books. I’m always researching. Gotta beat him at his own big feet game. One day I’ll spot him and take a picture that will make me rich. Look at that couple holding hands and pointing up at that book. They have no idea that he is on the other side. What a bunch of rubes.