Author: Artemis Winterford

This Guy Is The Ultimate eBay Pitchman

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This Guy Is The Ultimate eBay Pitchman
This guy rocks the hell out of eBay. He must be selling stuff like crazy.

The title: Star Wars.

Is it a car? An action figure? A poster? Who knows.

The listing says only: “It’s new the package is mess up”

No sh*t! The package is “mess up”. The package is gone. It’s just the bubble with the figure inside. Dude don’t care! He’s got no shirt, probably no pants on either and has a smoke going. All right there in his trailer park kitchen. Every item the dude sells is like this. He’s the honey badger of eBay. He don’t care!

He’s like, “Look, I’m half naked, just got up and you want this $2 item or not? I got a beer can collection to admire!”

Thanks for the tip Jeremy.

Shark Attack Hoodie Dress

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shark attack hoodie dress
Well call me chum and dump me in the ocean! If every shark looked as cute as this one I’d be blogging from a boat and fishing all day long. Are those fishnets she’s wearing with this Shark Attack Hoodie Dress? Very appropriate. And hey, nice back fin! Mind if I swim up beside you and attach myself like one of those weird ride-along fish?

Hey, wanna play Adventure Time? You be Fin, I’ll be Jake. Get it? Fin? I know. I know. Bad joke. Gil-ty as charged!

Okay, I’m out! Gotta call a cardiologist and a weatherman, cuz you a Sharknado and ya just stole my heart.

Skeleton Wedding Cake Toppers

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skeleton wedding cake toppers
Etsy seller splendorlocity sells all kinds of Skeleton Wedding Cake Toppers. Fun fact: Skeletons are ribbed for your pleasure. Nature really has thought of everything.

Anyway, just like a cemetery, or the closet of any Kardashian family member, they have a wide assortment of skeletons. Like the one shown here based on the famous Jack and Rose scene from Titanic. More like Jack Skellington and Rose.

Start your marriage right by putting some bones on your wedding cake. It’s a good reminder that we are all just walking meat sacks on bone frames.
skeleton wedding cake toppers

skeleton wedding cake toppers

Vino De Nosferatu Decanter and Glasses

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Nosferatu Decanter
This Vino De Nosferatu Decanter and Glasses set will let you have a drink with Dracula. Have a nip with Nosferatu. You get free matching table accessories too. Raise a toast. You’ll be Vlad you did. Eck! Your blood tastes terrible. Why do you have to be so negative?

This set looks pretty cool. Way to luxurious and rich for my blood. Which tastes terrible by the way. So don’t invite me over. My blood is a terrible vintage.
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Sexy Halloween Witch Shoes

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witch shoes
Damn. Those are some sexy Halloween witch shoes girl! What do ya say we hook up? I’ll make you curl your toes like a house landed on you. Baby we could- *POOF! Turns into a frog.*

*Poof* I’m back. Dang. Just sayin’ they’re sexy. Oh, it smells like you got something cooking in your cauldron. Also, do I smell bread? Does that make you the Wicked Witch of the Yeast? Is it done yet? Can I eat over? Please? Please?

*Poof!*