Author: Artemis Winterford

Chip On Your Shoulder Halloween Costume

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Chip On Your Shoulder Halloween Costume
I heard the same thing all the time when I was a kid. “You have a chip on your shoulder kid!” Yeah so? *Turns head and takes a giant bite out of it.* Now I have half a chip on my shoulder. And a bunch of crumbs.

This Chip On Your Shoulder Halloween Costume put a giant chip on your shoulder. Ruffled, because they’re the best. Possibly Lays. If I could lick it I would know for sure.

I would wear this thing to a Halloween party, sigh all night, then go to leave and bump into a girl with some dip on her shoulder. It would be magic. *Dreaming all dreamy-eyed with my chin in my hands.* I hope it’s poison ivy.
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Horror Themed Halloween / Holiday Sweaters

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Horror Themed Holiday Sweaters
It’s that time of year again when horror and candy gathering collide. At least that’s what the guy in the local convenience store said last time I came in. Well, it’s also Halloween time. You, like I, need some cool Halloween shirts. I hope they come in XXL, cuz I’m an Xcellent Xcellent Lover. *Makes phone sign with fingers. Shakes it.* Call me ladies.

Mondo has unveiled a line of holiday horror sweaters. Choose from Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, and Freddy Krueger. They were designed by Middle of Beyond.
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Bone Appetit Anatomical Housewares

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Bone Appetit Anatomical Housewares
*Snooty rich voice. Nose up in the air.* When I ordered a plate of ribs this was not what I had in mind good sir! Yes, yes. Your apologies are like sauce on my non-existent man food! I wish to speak with the manager. What? Free meal for my trouble? The hell you say! Well, I never! Maybe just this once. I’ll take double what I ordered before.

Check out these Bone Appetit Anatomical Housewares pieces. This bone china from foldedpigs has bones on it! And other human anatomy parts. How do you fold pigs anyway? Very carefully. I usually show them a pair of aces and they fold like fresh laundry. I hear these plates are a real squeal by the way.
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Cartoon Jean Leggings With Rips And Tears

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tell it like you jean it
Hey lady, nice jeans. *Bats eyelashes.* Thanks, I guess I’m just drawn that way.

Why buy jeans when you’re just going to get holes and tears in them? Why buy jeans with holes and tears in them already? You can just buy these Cartoon Jean Leggings With Rips And Tears. The jeans are fake and so is all of the wear. Plus they look sexy as hell. Hey, I like a good cartoon butt as much as the next guy.

Cartoon butts just make me nuts!
These jeans don’t house no Pizza Huts.

Stuffed crust. Thin crust.
These butts don’t care.

They’re looking good in cartoon wear.

Undead Graveyard Zombie Toilet Paper Holder

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Undead Graveyard Zombie Toilet Paper Holder
*Looks at the Undead Graveyard Zombie Toilet Paper Holder. Too lazy to reach.* Yo Undead Ed over there! Close your rotten mouth and quit gawking at me. Hand my some crack-paper. I need like 10 sheets. This is the kind of paperwork that keeps me working after hours and I ain’t gettin’ no time and a half. That thing was like a loaf and a half cuz I baked it all day and just now pinched it off. Whew! I really need a fan in here.

No? You’re just gonna stare. Fine, I’ll get it myself.
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