Author: Artemis Winterford

Spooky Embossed Rolling Pins For Halloween

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Spooky Embossed Rolling Pins For Halloween
I love cookies. I’m a real cookie monster and not just because I have blue fur and googly eyes. I just love ’em. So maybe I can get my wife to buy these Spooky Embossed Rolling Pins For Halloween from AlgisCrafts. Even if the wife doesn’t bake any cookies, it will make a nice change of pace having all of my bruises in fun shapes like skulls, bats and spiders.

They have all kinds of rolling pins. Personally I think they look like they might really hurt. I’m not so hungry for cookies anymore.
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Underpants Wallet

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Underpants Wallet
I think I’m gonna get this Underpants Wallet so that the next time I have to make a Doritos run at 3 AM, I have something that matches my outfit. Which is cheeto-stained underwear and an unbuttoned flannel shirt. Oh and flip-flops. Hey, “No shirt, no shoes no service.” Even I have to follow the rules, despite being a blogging rockstar.

I’ll also have two Slim-Jims my good man. The clerk will be pleased I have a less sweaty place to hold my cash. Cuz that flannel shirt has no pockets.

My Little Pony Rainbow Dash Heels: Friendship Is Dollar Bills

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My Little Pony Rainbow Dash Stripper Shoes
People, people, people. I implore you. (Look at me using the big words) Ya gotta keep your girls off the pole. Otherwise they’ll end up dancing in some dark stinky nightclub dancing in these My Little Pony Rainbow Dash Stripper Shoes for some sweaty fat creep who has like two dollars to his name and crumbs all over his shirt. I only went that one time, but that’s beside the point.

Why do they say Toxic Cherry on the side? Cuz when you pop that cherry, it’s like a pinata full of STDs in a green cloud. I’m just guessing. Rainbow Dash? More like Rainbow cash. Or My Little Pole-ny!
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Antique Skull Travel Cases

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Antique Skull Travel Cases
These Antique Skull Travel Cases are a cool way to creep out the TSA while traveling.

Whatcha got in there?

Nothin’.

Mind if I take a look.

I would rather you not.

Open up the case sir.

It was your idea. You open it. *Backs up slowly.*

*Guy hits the buttons and the case lid flies open. Two midgets in full clown costumes climb out. One of them kicks the guy in the nads. As he’s doubled over, the other midget clown pushes the dude, who falls into the suitcase, screaming as if he’s falling forever. Both midget clowns climb back inside and close the lid.*

*Looks around airport. Tries to act nonchalant.*

We all good guys?

*There’s a knock on the suitcase from inside.* Awesome. *Goes on my way, whistling.*

Needle Felted Frankenstein Ornament

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Needle Felted Frankenstein Ornament
This Needle Felted Frankenstein Ornament will look great on your Halloween tree. What, you don’t have a Halloween tree? I have a tree I use all year long. I put eggs on it for Easter, candy for Valentine’s Day and so on. The best is St. Patricks Day when I decorate the tree with beer and pay two red-headed leprechauns to slap-fight each other beneath it.

Anywho, back to Frankenstein. Or Franklin N. Stein. Or Francis Ken Stein. Aliases, monsters have them. Deal with it. Experience the softer side of this monster with your own soft head. Well, his own head.