Whether trying to get through a power outage or just setting up a candlelit dinner for two, live by the light of Cthulhu with this Cthulhu Candle. If he scares you, don’t worry. You get to watch his tentacled evil mass burn.
This hefty Cthulhu candle weighs about 1 pound and stands about 4 1/2 inches tall. He also has an’afterlife’ scent. Wait. Does that mean only he can smell it when he’s all burned down and dead? I have no idea. I thought he would smell more like burnt octopus.
Looks like Jason Voorhees was finally put to rest. Inside of this Jason Voorhees Coffee Table. Little known fact. Jason once worked at the grocery store, where he first became known as a slasher. Price slasher that is. That man could knock 3 cents off a can of beans, tag it with the price gun, and you would swear you got 10 cents off. He was that good. That was before he traded in his price gun for a machete.
This killer coffee table comes from Australian company Slaughter FX and it will slaughter your wallet, like your wife suddenly had octuplets and all you have to your name is a Ford Pinto and your paper route. It’s not a time I remember fondly, but there was no way I was gonna let her pin those grabby little Cephalopods on me. That’s a whole other story.
Anyhow the Slaughter FX website lists the table as being sold out, but maybe you can beg them to make you one. They are $600 with a glass top, and $500 without.
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Tired of friends leaving sweat rings or drink stains on your tabletop? No worries. Try these Cat Butt Coasters: The Quicker Pucker-Upper. Just lay them out when you have company and these little clenched up Cat butts will keep your surfaces clean.
Keep them away from that one guy. You know, that one guy everybody knows, who has to be the joker and like, starts pushing M & M’s through the pink knitting in the center. He’s all like, hey look at this guys. He gives a chocolate suppository to the coaster and embarrasses everybody, so that you regret even inviting him over. Yeah, sadly I am that guy.
This Rorschach mask, based on Rorschach from the Watchmen movie/comic is pretty amazing. And not just because I see a butterfly. Wait, no, I see two dragons with graduation hats fighting. It’s amazing because it is made with fabric paint that is temperature sensitive as well as safe and non toxic. In other words, those designs on the mask ACTUALLY MOVE! And it makes me freak out, because I don’t know what to tell my shrink that I see now. Don’t look unless you want nightmares!
It’s bat wings. It’s a KISS band member whose face is melting. It’s a clown with antlers!
Check out a video here.
These Rhino Hoof Boots make anyone look like Hillary Clinton. Dang! Did he just say that? Bang! Zing! Burn! Well leggo my Eggo and yankle my cankle! Thems some big hoofs! The seller says they were originally made for a Rocksteady costume, (You know, the rhinoceros guy from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) but I guess even he was like, “Yeah, too Hillary for me. Can we slim things up a bit?”
You know now that I see them in mom jeans, they don’t look so bad. I’ve seen far worse. Of course, I worked with elephants for a year.
Did you run away and join the circus?
No way. Talking about that time I worked for Jenny Craig, passing out flyers.
That’s mean!
Tell me about it. Took me a whole year to actually read those flyers. They had a picture of me with the caption, “Do NOT feed this man!” Hurtful! That also explained why I never got paid and why I had to buy my own meals only from them and talk about why I eat my feelings.
Thanks a lot mom. “Oh I talked to some people and got a job for you.”, she said. “They have a very strict eating policy.”, she said. “Just company rules.”
I’m out. Gotta go stuff it all deep down inside. Under a hot apple pie.