Create a jingle while you tinkle with the Potty Piano! It will give you something to do while dropping the kids in the pool. Let your feet tap out a tune while your keester is dropping to the beat. Feeling creatively backed up? No problem. It comes with a songbook.
Play some Chopping Broccoli while you are dropping some Broccoli you ate like 12 hours ago! The hits like the s*its just keep on coming. This is how Elton John got his start. And his name!
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Hey, what time is it? Half past this dude’s ribs and a quarter to his spine. This stylish pocket watch is all dangling skull and bones- That reminds me. I really should check in on Grandma. Old dangling skull and bones herself. The smells the neighbors reported are not good. Then again, she’s been known to have a sever flatulence problem. Usually have to bring a canary with me just to see if it’s safe to enter. It’s usually not, which is why I have no idea what she’s doing in there. I just add the dead canary and the cage to the pile in the hallway and slowly back away, while holding my breath.
Moving on. This pocket watch is all ribs. Perfect if your name is Jack the Ribber and you have no idea what time it is. That’s a terrible joke. Not even funny. Hey, excuse me! I’m worried about my grandma here.
Update: Just called her. *Blah blah blah. Can’t get up. Cats are nipping at me. Pool of my own filth etc etc.* Wait. If that was the smell, what killed the canaries? *Oh, I fell in the kitchen and I’ve had nothing but tacos for a week. squeeeeaaak-pfffft*
Damn it grandma!
Anyway. Skeleton Pocket watch. It’s friggin’ cool looking!
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This Giant Zipper Bottle Opener is huge. Can you imagine the size of the tally whacker behind that pull tab? XYZBO. Examine Your Zipper Bottle Opener! Because it’s down. Near the bottom of your fridge and not pulled up top. We’ve all been there. You’re at a party. You don’t have a bottle opener. So you open your zipper and pop that top on it’s teeth, careful not to damage the family jewels. But what if you’re rocking a button fly?
First off, screw you! Button flies are for losers and slow pee-ers. By the time you get out of the gate, I’m gonna be giving it a shake and then washing my hands. Maybe dribbling onto your shoe if you’re in the urinal next to me. Too bad, you shouldn’t have peeked! Anyway, this Giant Zipper Bottle Opener is the classy way to open bottles. And you won’t risk damage to your wee-wee. You’re welcome.
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Damn that’s nasty! Don’t have a mummified corpse to put in your yard so that birds and squirrels can feed from it’s dead body? No problem. Etsy seller AutumnsOddities has you covered. Your yard animals will love this Mummified Baby Bird Feeder.
Basically it makes it look like you left your kid permanently unattended in your yard until little Bobby or Susie has become squirrel food. Just fill it up with bird seed and then watch nature do it’s nasty thing. Just remember, they’ll be pecking at you next while you try to sip some lemonade in the backyard.
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These Animal Butt Magnets let you unleash your inner animal. Hey honey, where’s the grocery list? Check the elephant’s butt. On the fridge. Forget flat magnets. Instead use something that looks like it’s going to drop a deuce on your kitchen floor. Thankfully this animal booty won’t drop animal doody.
This set of six animal magnets includes a giraffe, leopard, lion, elephant, tiger and hippo butts. Fun fact: The Hippo butt is my spirit animal. That’s why walking through Walmart is like a holy pilgrimage for me.