This Mancave Wreath With Antler Toilet Paper Holder, Beer Cans, Rifle Shells was obviously created in a trailer in the woods one night with The Dukes of Hazzard or Duck Dynasty playing in the background as a couple of guys debate how hot Paula Dean is and argue about who shot some squirrel and who gets to eat it.
I’m pretty sure.
Everyone should have a pair of giant lobster claws. They make everyday things into awesome things. Think of the fun that you could have doing things like: Hitchhiking, gesturing with your claws as you give directions, trying to saw through rope with your pincers, opening beer bottles and more.
You are gonna be a crazy crustacean. A prized pincer. Also, your handshake will now be powerful and dangerous for other humans. Life just got a little more awesome. Your new name is Zoidberg!
This Fou Lard Bacon scarf looks delicious. It should keep you warm in the winter months and not make your neck all greasy like the real thing. Fun fact: The French word for a silk scarf is foulard. So…Fou Lard. That’s word play. Which is foreplay for scrabble players. I think.
Basically the guys who make this say that the word is composed by fou (insane) and lard (bacon). If bacon is insane then call my frying pan an asylum and lets give ’em all some really hot therapy. The doctor is in and it’s a good day when all of the patients end up in my tummy.
Do I even know what I’m saying? Not really? I’m mesmerized by the idea of bacon on one’s neck.
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If you want to watch hummingbirds from up close just feed them on your face with the eYe2eYe Wearable Hummingbird Feeder. This full-face helmet makes you look like Magneto, except instead of attracting metal you will be attracting tiny birds that suck on sugar water and poop on your shoes.
This wearable bird feeder has a feeding tube between the eye holes, so you better hope they stay on target. They’ll peck your eye out kid! After a week of feeding birds you’ll be permanently cross-eyed.
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These Name Your Poison Whiskey Glasses are pretty cool, but they forgot marriage. And taxes. I kid, I kid. I married my wife for tax purposes so it’s all good. She got me this set for Christmas last year and I’ve been drinking out of the arsenic one ever since. Also not feeling very well and constantly pooping myself as she laughs.
You can’t even poison me right you cow!
Shut up you fat old idiot! I’m pouring you a double right f***ing now!
Oh, I’m drinking! I’ll take two!
*dodges flying glass*
I’ll see you in hell old man! I’ll be the bartender!