When not selling pieces of what is left of his soul in Hollywood and staring at people until they say, “Im’ma smack you Nicolas Cage!”, this is what he looks like. Exposed! I exposed you. How do you like that, you unblinking, smoothed face tool of the Illuminati? (I don’t know that he is an Illuminati tool. I just know he is a tool. And obviously evil)
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Author: Artemis Winterford
Grow Your Own Hooker / Pimp / Pole Dancer / Naughty School Girl
Bad parents unintentionally grow hookers, pimps, pole dancers or naughty school girls. And now you can too. Without all of the diaper changing, parent/teacher conferences and eventual calls from jail. Just add water. Choose wisely. They are $3.45 each plus shipping.
The Truth Is Out There: Life-Sized 4 1/2 Foot Tall Alien Prop
For $269.99 you can have your own Life-Sized alien. Don’t blame me when he starts probing your backside and walking through your walls, and inviting his alien buddies over to watch Star Trek and laugh at humans.
Look how much fun that kid is having with his alien. Just holding hands and having a good old time. Best buds. It warms my heart. Maybe they’re communicating. Check out some close ups below.
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Indian Ghost Haunts Children’s Book
No doubt upset by the fact that we took their land and no longer even include profiles of them on our currency, Indians have taken to haunting our children’s books. The seller says:
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Set The Mood With Poop Candles
These poop candles look like stinky sticks of dynamite. Good thing they aren’t, because I would want a longer fuse. You don’t want to be anywhere near these when they go off. Luckily they are just candles. Lumpy(and probably nutty and corn-filled) candles.
Check out the lumpiness and girth on these bad boys. You would really have to strain and practice some deep breathing to get these things out of your bowels. Then, once you did, you would need a good long break to sit there and pant, regain your breath. These are some seriously unhealthy Cleveland Steamers. If your biz looks like this, go coffin shopping right now.
They smell like roses and are bound to keep things classy in your home. More shots below.
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