Category: Creep Wear

Puff-N-Fluff Dog Dryer

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puff n fluff
Get ready for the Puff-N-Fluff! What’s a Puff-N-Fluff? I think it’s one of them Harry Potter teams. Could be what Ron and Harry get up to after hours too. Sounds like a relaxing tuck in between two friends. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Anyway this Puff-N-Fluff is basically an astronaut suit for your dog.

You give your dog a bath. He gets water and suds all over the God Damn place and then you suit him up like he’s going to Mars to lift his leg on the Mars Rover and dig up some Martian bones. Only he’s not. You’re going to attach your hair dryer and give him a good blow until he’s nice and clean.

Why can’t I get a suit like this? I like a good blow(dry) as much as any dog.
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This Belt Buckle Will Take A Bullet For You

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bullet belt buckle
Pew! Pew! Pew! You missed me! Thank God I have my bullet belt buckle to catch lead. This is the biggest, baddest, rootin’ tootin’est, Texas, Remember the Alamo, give me liberty or give me death belt buckle ever to hold a man’s drawers in place. Yee-Haw!

This piece of redneck royalty-wear is $99. Can I get a hundred dolla holla?

Holllllllla!

Sold! To the man with the ten gallon hat and the 40 gallon waistline.

Eye Exam Chart Tights

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eye exam tights
These eye exam chart tights will let you check out a great pair of legs while also taking an eye test. Damn girl! You gots a fine pair o legs. And thanks for the free checkup! You’ll be happy to know that I scored a perfect 100% on the test. The real question is, how do I score with you? Hmmm? They say I’m popular with the tight-wearing 20-30 year old female demographic.

On the other hand, I also score high with the crazy cat lady 60-70 year old demographic. Beauty is both a blessing and a curse.
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Giant Cardboard Robot Arms

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giant cardboard robot arms
This giant cardboard robot arms DIY kit lets you create…giant cardboard robot arms. Sweet! I am gonna terrorize everybody. At least until somebody figures out my kryptonite. NO! Not the box cutter! If that happens I’ll just run away to my robot lair and cry. Then move to another town and terrorize them all over again.

The kit comes with everything you need to create two giant robot arms and it will take you around 5 hours to complete. They measure 5.5 feet long. This is gonna be fun. Cower before me humans!
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Crucifix High Heels

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crucifix heels
Get thee behind me Satan! What the hell does that even mean? Oh, I get it. These Crucifix high heels(Technically they don’t have heels) have crosses on the back, so if Satan is behind you and the size of a dwarf, he’s totally toast. Man, dressing for church used to be so much easier back before they required you to wear crucifix shoes.

Not that I know anything about church. The last time I entered the place, I started burning and hissing and speaking in tongues. That STD just hurt like hell. I was all like, Quit hitting me with that holy water! Then I was all like, Wait! Try it on my pee-pee Padre. Oh, that’s better. So soothing and mentholated. I knew that chick was trouble when- There she is in the first row!

That’s my daughter!

Congratulations. That’s my peen’s worst nightmare. I’m off to see the wizard. And by wizard I mean a pee-pee specialist.