Category: Creep Wear

Cupcake Panties: Sweet Cheeks

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cupcake panties
Etsy seller Knickerocker is making all of my dreams come true by combining two of my favorite things. Cupcakes and butt cheeks. I’ll have extra sprinkles on mine. These cupcake panties will put some frosting on your crack. Maybe with a cherry on top. They make your butt look like a tasty treat and allow you to be bakery fresh all the time.

You don’t fart in undies like these. You tart. Like a strawberry tart. I would buy these for my wife, but once a month she would just add her own raspberry filling and then get mad and throw them out.
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Awesome Primitive Predator Costume

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predator costume
Damn son! That is one fine Predator costume. Since I don’t have $3,362.32 can I just borrow it for a week and run around my neighborhood making clicking noises and shaking bones at everyone. Nah. Forget it. Being a predator is too much work.

You gotta take care of those dreadlocks and if you go into a salon to get your dreads oiled and your Predator nails painted, humans are gonna freak. Plus cops would be all over you, just because you ripped some dude’s spine out of his back. Then there’s that Chris Hansen guy. Always trying to catch a Predator.

Hey, I’m a female Predator. Come over to my house. We’ll watch the Alien movies, I’ll show you my trophy collection and kills. Cool, I’ll be right over.

Then when you arrive you find out it was really an underage Xenomorph on the phone and you get busted just because you brought a pizza and condoms.
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Beer Box Cowboy Hats: DUI, Dressing Under the Influence

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

beer hat
No ossifer, I am notch drunk! I jus likes nice hatz! Just cus my hatz made of a beer box doesn’t mean I imbible alcohol. I was jus on my weight to Nascar what wif wrestlin not being on and all. Bref-a-lizer. Watts a bref-a-lizer?

Whether you are on your way to NASCAR, a tractor pull, or just chillin’ in your single-wide watching the wrastlin’, these stetson hats made from beer boxes will make you the King. Of beer. They come in all kinds of beer brands. It let’s them know what you drink before you even get to the bar. It also lets law enforcement know who to hassle.

*Points radar gun at car zooming past. Puts car in gear* We got us a live one! He was only doing about 35, but he must be drunker than a skunk at a Tallahassee wedding cause he was wearing a damn beer box on his head. Call for backup. This one is gonna be trouble.
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Cheeseburger Wristwarmer Set

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

cheeseburger handwarmer
This cheeseburger wrist warmer set will keep you warm in cold weather, which beats buying like 4 Big Macs and stuffing them into your coat for warmth. One under each arm pit and two in this special bra I made. Go ahead and laugh, but I’m warm and toasty, even if I do smell like substandard meat all day. I also get a 6 pack of Chicken Mcnuggets, but I ain’t saying where I put those.

I would totally rock these, but I don’t see any pickles. You gotta have pickles.

Watch Your Back: Gold Googly Eye Bomber Jacket

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

google eye jacket
Great Googly Moogly! Watch your back when wearing this Gold Googly Eye Bomber Jacket. I guess it already is being watched. It’s all business in front, making you look all gold and sexy. But in back, the eyes are following you. And creeping out everyone behind you. If you have any stalkers, this should be enough to get rid of them.

Don’t worry about strangers eyeing you up. Your jacket is already doing that. It’s like a field of Googly eyed stars all free-floating in space. All looking down at your badonkadonk.
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