Steampunk Octopus Light Switch Covers

Steampunk Octopus Light Switch Covers
Like I was saying, I don’t give an octopus’ tentacle what you think- Huh? Oh those are cool. Steampunk Octopus Light Switch Covers. You gots some nice tentacles baby. And suckers that go on foreva! I know, because every time I flick your switch, I cop a feel.

Hey, it’s a sexy light switch cover. Don’t judge. But if you do, I hope you’ll let me run with an insanity defense, because these sexy steampunk switch covers from Etsy seller WainmanStudios are driving me crazy.
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The Great Garden Gnome Massacre

T Rex Garden Gnome Massacre
Make your garden a living hell for all gnome-kind. The Great Garden Gnome Massacre begins with Gnomezilla in your yard. No elf or gnome is safe. Gnomezilla is hungry for blood, so let him feast on your tacky garden ornaments. Satiate his hunger and he will look out for your garden.

*Neighbor comes outside. Hands on hips. Rolling her head with every word.* Oh Gnome you dit’int. You did not just call my garden ornaments tacky. Oh it’s on now!

I just put Gnomezilla in her garden. Wait until she sees all of the carnage. Yes. It is on. *Steeples fingers and laughs maniacally.*
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Octopus Purse

octopus purse
This felted Octopus Purse is perfect for the lady who needs 8 arms to hold all of her stuff. That’s all ladies. Am I right guys? *High five. Nobody’s gonna give my five? On the side? Way down low? Was I too slow?* Whatevs. If I had 8 arms I would be high-fiving myself all day long. I would pull away just before connecting and be all like, Haha sucker! Get it? Cuz I would have suckers on my arm. Burn!

Yeah, this purse is totally awesome. If I made these, I would totally call my company Octo Inc. Get it? Okay, I’ll escort myself out.
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Bacon Duct Tape

bacon duct tape
Give me some Bacon Duct Tape and I’ll be wrecking stuff on purpose so I can put bacon all over everything. My wife: Why does the rake have a bacon handle? Did you do some “body work” on my car? Why does it have a bacon roof in the design of the confederate flag like The Dukes of Hazzard? Why did I come home to a bacon crime scene and have to duck under bacon tape to get inside?

The answer to all of these questions is surprisingly simple…. Bacon.

Calm The F*k! Down Flavored Potato Chips

Calm The F! Down Flavored Potato Chips And Ice Cream
If you need to calm down and just can’t seem to do it, try some Calm The F*k! Down Flavored Potato Chips. If they don’t calm you the f*k down, nothing will. I know I’m not calm until I’ve had my daily bag of Doritos. That may just be a placebo effect. Possibly the deadly but calming influence of stealth GMOs too.

Yo, calm the f*k down!

How? You just took my calm the f*k down chips!

Good point. Whatevs. I’m calm. Deal.
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