Sweet! A Notebook Paper Necktie. I don’t wear a tie, mostly because no one would hire me and even if they did, I would only use it as a napkin at lunch, then lick the stains off like a cat. If I knew how to tie one, which I don’t. But it would be so sweet to wear this with a grocery list on it or instructions on how to tie it.
Maybe write that 100 word piece of fan-fiction I’ve been meaning to write. Pikachu and Darth Vader ain’t gonna romance themselves, while Rainbow Dash looks on with tears.
All the kids are slamming Monster drinks, so I figured I would too. Gonna order these awesome Monster Glasses and see if they give me energy too. Plus, I’ll never forget which glass is mine. I’m Chupacabra all the way baby! Sometimes I feel like a Kraken too so I’m covered. I’ll save the Loch Ness monster for friends since it’s a rare occasion that any show up and when they do, I have no proof.
Bigfoot? I’ll fill that up and leave it on the back porch for the neighborhood Sasquatch. That way he can stop drinking from the hose when we’re not looking.
I’m putting this Alien Egg Night Light in the bathroom so that the next time someone enters after me and says, “What the hell? Did you lay an Alien egg in there?” I can say yes. Yes I did. Enjoy it’s exotic glow mingled with the delicate yet putrid notes of my own natural scents.
This alien egg is pretty terrifying, but pretty cool. It’s where the Xenomorphs and facehuggers come from. They used to call me a facehugger too cause if I don’t like you or if you’re invading my space, my hand goes straight for the face and I don’t let go. No matter how much you lick at my palm. People think I’m all aggro and freaky, but really I’m just practicing the Vulcan mind meld. Spoiler alert: It doesn’t work. You just end up with a bunch of friends with dents in their face that match your fingers. They never showed that part in your precious Star Trek. You live, ya learn.
Read more “Alien Egg Night Light”
This Nuke Lamp in the shape of a mushroom cloud will lend an irradiated glow to your home. Usually only the cockroaches would survive a blast like this, but both you and those nasty creatures will be safe.
This amazing 3D printed lamp really splits my atoms. It’s rad! Get it? I love it a mega-ton! I hope I don’t get any fallout because of these lame jokes. I wish I had been alive in the 60s and had this lamp. I would have tricked all of my dates using the old “under the desk, duck and cover” routine. Nah, I’ll be fine sitting at the desk. Only enough room down there for one. You get under so you’re safe. Heh heh. While you’re down there…
*Hey that’s rude!*
What? I was gonna say to check if the carpet needs vacuuming.
*That’s sexist*
Well, I just meant.
*You shut up mister!*
When did the voice in my head get so mean and bossy?
This French Fry Bustier Bra Top is awesome. Although these must be those flat cut steak fries. Clearly she didn’t say, “Super-size me!” and ordered a small.
Oddly, I have the urge to dump a basket of fries into a metal tray, salt it all up, scoop it all up in that metal minimum wage shovel that McDonalds workers use and slide them right down the middle of her fry-holder. But I’m weird like that.
Thanks for making me hungry fry-girl. Fry-girl is like a dream come true. She’s salty, hot and leaves me wanting more.