Category: Geeky Cool Stuff

E.T. Extraterrestrial Communication Knowledge Transfer Device

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etsy et communication device
Alien encounters can be awkward and not just because they stick stuff in ya without buying you dinner first. Because you can’t understand a damn word they’re saying. This E.T. Extraterrestrial Communication Knowledge Transfer Device will help. So the next time they come to abduct you in the night, you’ll be able to understand their language.

That’s when you find out that they think humans are just a game of operation. The Goofy Game for Goofy Doctors. I know when I bought one of these, I heard “Alien Gary” bitching to “Alien Mike” about how his wife doesn’t understand him because his quasar zoomboffulator was overpriced and out of warranty and it makes a real miff-zi-stache of his home life. “Alien Mike” owns a Zeff farm full of grazing Zergnars and recently got caught “nerfing the herd”, which is why he got stuck on this sh***y work detail.

I was all like, “Guys, I know I’m gonna forget about all of this later, but please, concentrate on the task at hand! Damn that hurts. Pay attention. Am I impregnated yet or what? Gary, you gotta man up and face the wife! Mike… Mike, you’re just sick. Seriously. Get away from me. Gary, let’s hurry this up. I have an early morning tomorrow.

So anyway, this thing really works. Check out the video below.
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Color Changing Mushroom Night Light

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etsy color changing mushroom night light
This Color Changing Mushroom Night Light will make it seem like you are tripping balls, when in fact, you are tripping the light fantastic. I have no idea what that means. And that’s okay. Everything is okay as long as I float within the void. Watching monkey-faced mermaids swim past me. It’s all good. I’m floating closer to the happy trees now. There is a lake. Sooooo relaxing.

Wait. That lake is a giant mouth full of Cthulhu teeth, each one slapping it’s tentacles to whip the drooling saliva off the others. The giant tongue is lashing toward me-

*Wakes up breathing heavy.* Thank god I don’t do drugs. I wonder what makes me dream like that every night and makes me a nervous wreck. Oh well. Goodnight color change mushroom night light.
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SpyMo Toys Are My Kind Of Crazy

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spymo toys
Check out these awesome custom toys from Spymo Toys. It’s about damn time Bruce from the Jaws movie had his own action figure. I hope you can open him up and find tires and stuff in his belly. Check out some other cool stuff below. Like Rosemary’s baby, V.A.L.I.S. from the Phillip K. Dick novel, Pazuzu from The Exorcist and my personal favorite the DMT Warrior.

I never collected any DMT Warriors, but I’ve visited their dimension and let me tell you, that figure is no exaggeration. Pretty cool stuff. I’m buying them all and taking them out of the package and forcing them to play with my Star Wars: Phantom Menace toys. Since nobody else will play with them. Ugh!

Okay, sometimes I make the others torture Jar Jar, but that’s it. Okay, I also occasionally make Padme and that fat Gungun make out, but really, that’s it.
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Dragon Door Knocker

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dragon door knocker
This Dragon Door Knocker is going to look awesome on my front door. Especially after I took out that second mortgage to give the place that whole Game of Thrones makeover. So what if it looks more like a beat up Jenga pile. I’m no contractor. Knock knock knock! Who is it? It’s dragon. Dragon who? Dragon my butt, cuz I’m so tired from blogging all day.

You can’t come in, the king’s not here.

I am the king!

Prove it! Prove your worth by removing a giant stone block from the castle of Jenga and I’ll let you in.

We went through this last week and it’s not funny. I lost the entire bedroom that day. And you’re just some dude named Merlin who I’m renting a room to and who farts way to much, then tries to cover it up with magic. Fine whatever, but I’m taking a piece from your side of the castle this time.
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Skeleton Playing Cards

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skeleton playing cards
I don’t know about you, but when I’m playing a game of poker, I like to see the bony innards of various critters. Like a Komodo Dragon, maybe a Roadrunner. This set of Skeleton Playing Cards has many more sets of bones, all on 52 poker-sized cards. These cards were created by the American museum of Osteology. I have no idea what that means, other than the fact that it’s fancy talk for going to college for like 8 years to play with animal bones and act like you’re not a freak

My dog plays with bones and he never had any college. In fact he flunked out of obedience school. And he licks his butt just like anyone else.
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