Category: Just Plain Weird

Brain In A Jar Soap

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Brain In A Jar Soap
Hmmmm. Now where did I put that brain? I might know if I hadn’t misplaced it. But I did so… Me dumb now. Oh there’s my Brain In A Jar Soap. There’s nothing like lathering up with gray matter. What these soaps lack in firing synapses, they make up for in firing suds-napses. I like cleaning with brains, makes me feel smart. Like I am absorbing the knowledge from the brain and adding it to my own database. And believe me, I need all the brainpower I can get.

I’m like a showering zombie. *Approaches the shower muttering, “Brains… Brains* OW! Bumped into the tub and fell in. See, this is why I need brains.
Read more “Brain In A Jar Soap”

Giant Red King Crab Chair

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Giant Red King Crab Chair
I think I got crabs from your chair?

Are you sure? *Looks at my Giant Red King Crab Chair.* Nah. I keep a clean place.

I haven’t been with any other chairs for weeks.

Hmmm. Sorry baby, you’re barking up the wrong crustacean. Now c’mere and let me pinch ya.

This chair is perfect for me, cuz I feel crabby everyday. I’m also the king of my castle. The crab king. Not sayin’ I have crabs. I’m just the king of said crabs. Seriously, I have a scepter, a crown and everything. I also have a bunch of crab medicine. But that’s just in case. You never know when they might overthrow me.
Read more “Giant Red King Crab Chair”

Mirror Framed By Fingers

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Mirror Framed By Fingers
Um, Okay… This is a Mirror Framed By Fingers. For reals. It has fingers all around it. Looking in this mirror is gonna be a white-knuckle ride baby. Are they all middle fingers? I have no idea, but I’m flipping this thing off like a hundred times, just so we’re even.

Fingers, fingers, on the wall, who’s got the fairest fingers of them all? I do. Mine are the fairest. You just have the most. I would count how many you have, but I don’t have enough fingers to count that high. I might just get this, cuz the mirror I currently have is all thumbs… Not fingers.

Vampire Demon Tombstone Statue

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Vampire Demon Tombstone Statue
This Vampire Demon Tombstone Statue is exactly what you need if you have a vampire/demon to bury. It has a crazy gargoyle/demon on top just so there’s no doubt that this is a Vampire’s grave. To bad you can’t customize the gravestone.

Here lies Dracula.
Killed by a stake on the end of a spatula.
His life was spectacular.

Here lies a filthy demon
He died while screamin’
The cross against his chest was steamin’

Anatomical Heart Vase

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Anatomical Heart Vase
Your honor, I present exhibit A into evidence. An Anatomical Heart Vase. My case rests on one simple fact- The prosecution is out of order! What? No way! I’m out aorta? You’re out aorta! This whole damn courtroom is out aorta!

Sorry. Had to get that off my chest. This vase is awesome. The next time someone tells you to have a heart, just show it to them. Burn! Already got one buddy. And it’s cold and black! Full of flowers too, so I guess it’s warm after all. Kind of a happy medium. Every time you cut the stems on your flowers, you will feel like you are performing triple bypass surgery.
Read more “Anatomical Heart Vase”