Category: Just Plain Weird

Amazing Skeleton Cutlery

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Amazing Skeleton Cutlery
Check out this cool Skeleton Cutlery from Skelemental. This is just one of many super awesome and super expensive things that they sell. The place is so expensive, all I did was browse their site for like 10 minutes and my wallet was gone, but that’s probably just cuz I was browsing on my phone and didn’t notice the pick-pocket. The joke is on him, cuz one lifesavers wrapper and a never-used condom from 8th grade is not legal tender.

This cutlery is scary as hell and not just cuz it’ll cut ya. Cuz it looks like what demons keep in the kitchen, although to be fair, I have never actually seen the wife with these at dinner time.
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Peeker Zombie Head Floor Dweller

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Peeker Zombie Head Floor Dweller
Hey, it’s a peeker zombie. Peek-a-boo. I see you. And by the way, you are bloody disgusting. Good thing I can’t see the rest of you. What’s the deal with like, being half stuck in my floor? What are you, some kind of fetish freak carpet sniffer? Fine by me. Just tell me one thing. I’ve always wondered, do my feet smell like decade old cheese or dumpster Fritos in the summer? EHHH WRONG! That was a trick question. I have it on good authority that they smell like decade old dumpster Fritos topped with cheese.

Whatevs. Just keep doing your thing down there. We’ll see how long you last with your nose stuck in the Frito freeway that is my never washed carpet. Ain’t no off-ramp pal.
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Purified Cow’s Urine – Need Cow Pee? Urine Luck!

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Godhan Ark (Purified Cow's Urine or Distilled Cow Urine)
I’m not sure why anyone would want Purified Cow’s Urine. Or PCU as I am sure they refer to it in the cow urine biz. Supposedly it “improves digestion and intelligence” among other things.

If you say so.

You know what else improves digestion and intelligence? Eating some fruit while reading a book! If it really improved intelligence, guys like Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking would be underneath a cow all the time, trying to get smarter so they can solve the mysteries of the universe. But guess what? You can’t solve the mysteries of the universe with cow golden showers!

Myth busted!
Your welcome!

Ouija Board Wooden Serving Tray with Planchette Coasters

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Ouija Board Wooden Serving Tray with Planchette Coasters
This Ouija Board Wooden Serving Tray with Planchette Coasters is a great way to serve guests during a seance or just everyday.

Your dinner is ready sir.

Thank you Jeeves. You know what to do next.

*Jeeves sighs* Did you have any questions sir?

In fact I do my good man. One simple question. Will I enjoy this dinner?

*Jeeves moves the planchette around my hamburger and fries, until the spirits make it hover over YES* All good sir. You will enjoy.

Excellent Jeeves. That will be all. *Fits napkin inside my collar. Slices into my burger with a knife and fork as my pinky strays carefree. Tastes it. Swirling it around on my tongue. Spits it out!* Damn that lying witches tool! Come here Jeeves, this instant!

Zombie and Ugly Face Mugs

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Zombie and Ugly Face Mugs
MakingFacesPottery not only makes weird faces while making pottery, they also occasionally make fugly face mugs, like I did in grade school. Their’s are much better. These Zombie and Ugly Face Mugs have faces that only a mother can love. A mother hopped up on acid, who sticks her head in the oven after getting a good look at the kid! The shop has freaky creatures, zombies, fugly things that defy naming and other monstrosity mugs that will scare the black off your coffee and make the sugar jump from your tea.

*Random audience reaction.* That’s not politically correct! You should be nicer!

*Looks at dude’s avatar.* You should be on a mug. Burn! That’s why ya don’t mess with me. You ugly. You ugly. Yo mama says you ugly!

I don’t have an avatar!

Hmmm. Um. The burn is on me then. That was actually my reflection. U-G-L-Y, I’m the one with no alibi. You have won this round sir! But ugly never gives up, so I will be back and uglier than ever. Right now I have to see someone about marketing a mug in my image. Actually I think that second image really captures my twisted and freakish essence. Almost.
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