Category: Just Plain Weird

Hippopotamus Chair

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

hippo chair
Finally someone carved a chair out of a Hippo and painted the whole thing black. Hippo-campus? That ain’t no brain part. That’s a typical American college. Ha ha. I slay me. Because most Americans are obese. Hey, I’m American, so I can say that. You can’t France! Back off! Anywho, this Hippopotamus Chair will make your living room look like a wildlife sanctuary.

Whereas having a real hippo in your home to sit on makes it more of a stank-tuary. They can’t be housebroken. believe me, I’ve tried. It always ends in a steaming pile oozing down the sides of the coffee table. This fake hippo is much better and it’s only like 100 grand. Hit the link above to see the whole collection of freaky chairs.

Real Grass Disposable Dog Potty

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disposable dog poop grass
Dogs are way too much work. Feed me. Let me hump that stuffed animal. Take me outside to pee. Who has time for a needy animal like that? And besides, I do enough of that stuff myself. Well, the Real Grass Disposable Dog Potty will let you bring the outdoors inside, so your dog can relieve himself. Because he or she is too darn lazy to learn how to work a doorknob.

Get off your lazy dog butt and go pee in the yard. Oh nice! While you’re at it, just drop a Cleveland steamer while I’m having my dinner. Lovely.

Demented Baby Doll Wall Art

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creepy doll wall art
Yeah, these pieces of Demented Baby Doll Wall Art are pretty nightmare inducing. You can hang your keys from their tiny freaky hands and use them as a coat rack or just stare at them and wig the hell out. I can picture these in my house and I ain’t scared at all.

*Opens the front door after a long day* Daddy’s home babies! *The nightmare creep babies all push through the walls with their freaky little hands reaching out and their heads protruding from the wall. A productive and well behaved nightmare army.* Baby hands grab my keys, while another pair grabs my coat. This is the life. I just can’t get too close to the wall. I must never let them collectively grab at me and pull me into their dark abyss beyond the walls. *Shudders* But seriously, it’s super sweet child labor without the illegality and guilt.
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Brain Coffee Mug

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brain mug
My brain isn’t awake until it has had at least one cup of coffee. This Brain Coffee Mug is exactly what I need to stare at while my own brain is getting kickstarted. I won’t have any idea what the hell any of this fancy medical stuff means, so I’ll just feel dumb.

This mug will remind me that I am just a sack of meat with a lump of cauliflower between my ears telling me not to eat so much junk food. Screw you brain, what do you know? *Everything* Well, yeah. Technically you know everything, but can you can’t do squat without my motor control. So there.

*Half hour later*

Stupid brain. I can’t believe I let you take control of my body and made me make a healthy salad. Now it’s on! Now do you see why I pig out? Just for that I am going on an all night pastry binge! And stop making me talk all awkward to the girls I meet, or I swear I’ll fill ya so full of Jack Daniels you’ll think you are in a specimen jar. Stupid brain. Drinking is the only time I get any peace.

Dragon Flower Pot Is Perfect For Snap Dragons

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dragon flower pot
This Dragon flower pot is perfect for Snap Dragons. You know, those flowers that look like dragon heads, that you can play with and move it’s jaws open and shut. I only reason I know what they are is because I got in trouble for “relieving myself” in the neighbor’s garden. Seems I “Burnt” Mrs. Everitt’s prize Snap Dragons with my “devil’s urine”. I remember it well…

*Swirling graphics, turning into a distorted haze*

“Look at what you’ve done. You idiot! You imbecile! Nothing but a shriveled mess! It’s as if the Earth were salted and a swarm of locusts hit these plants. Clearly you have the devil in you!”

“In my pee? It does sometimes burn… Now, now. Let’s not be unkind. The shriveling is because I just got out of the shower. I can assure you that shrinkage is quite normal. A woman of your considerable age should understand-”

“You idiot! The flowers! All shriveled and and burnt!”

“It’s not like I peed in your garden.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I’m not a friggin’ animal. We only have one bathroom and the wife locked me out. So I peed in an empty monster drink can, like ya do, and just tossed it into your garden. I think you owe me an apology Mrs. Everitt. No worries. Oh, I noticed that your Petunias have a similar problem. Glad to be of help.”