Category: Just Plain Weird

Illuminati Air Freshener

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illuminati air freshener
The Illuminati is a secret organization that is rumored to control the world. They may or may not have just activated a sound trigger that made me write this article about their air freshener, to spread the word about the New World Order and start the conditioning of the masses to not fear your new masters.

Your car will smell like jack booted thugs trampling the constitution and kicking in your door, with the gentle hint of MK Ultra programming and just a whiff of never-ending wars fought to enrich the banking elite.

I wish those sounds would stop. I do love that New(World Order) Car smell though.

Crazy 3 Foot Tall Monster Strung Up On A Tree

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hanging monster
He has terrorized you from under the bed for too long. He scares you to death even when you have a night light on all night. He steals your rolled up socks and puts sticky stuff inside so your mom finds it and sighs in disgust. So, when you finally catch the boogeyman, you know what to do. Tie his gnarled hands up and string him up in a tree for the whole neighborhood to see.

This 3 foot tall monster is nasty and just begging to be tortured by an angry mob as he hangs in that tree. “Drool included” of course.
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Monster Mirror Guarantees That You Will Cut Yourself While Shaving

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monster mirrorMirror mirror on the wall, who is the fugliest of all? You are. That’s who. This mirror demands blood, since it will make you so nervous that you constantly cut yourself while shaving, making a blood sacrifice down the drain every damn day. The only way to beat it is to grow a beard!

Ha! Beaten at your own evil game! How does that feel? Well, yeah, I was so nervous when I trimmed my beard last time that I also trimmed all of the fuzz off my new winter sweater and gave myself a mohawk, but still. I win.

Hot Dog Bun Doggie Bed: Your Wiener Dog Needs More Mustard

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hot dog bun bedWhen you have a hot dog, you need a cool bun. No, that’s not right. If you have a cool dog, you need a hot dog…bun. No, wait. I can do this. I have been trained in the blogging arts.

*Reaches zen place* If you have a Wiener dog, you need a hot dog bun bed!

Ha! I knew I could do it, despite the fact that I have only had 3 fingers of whiskey today and one middle finger of vengeance when I sideswiped that little fat guy in a cart in the Walmart parking lot. Real cars have the right of way pal! Anyway, I never got a good look at the guy’s face since my rear view mirror smacked into it.

But I digress. You came here to see fun and weird caca that you can buy. Well, behold the Hot Dog Bun Doggie Bed. All of the condiments are on it already. You just need to supply the Wiener dog. In fact, if you click through, you can see an actual Wiener dog in the bun. Aren’t you lucky? Yes you are! Who’s the lucky little Creepbay reader? You so cute!
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Monster Journals: “Fear Diary…”

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

monster journalThese monster journals from Etsy seller ANARCHISTSPLAYGROUND are all sharp teeth and lined pages. I think the idea is to open them up, start writing and see how long it takes for those sharp teeth to close like a crocodile and leave you with a bloody stump. You just had to journal about your day didn’t you?

Fear Diary… Today I went for a nice walk and- OH DEAR GOD! BLOOD EVERYWHERE! JUST GIVE ME MY HAND BACK AND I SWEAR TO ZUCKERBERG THAT NEXT TIME I WILL JUST UPDATE MY STATUS FOR THE WORLD TO SEE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON! NO MORE JOURNALING I SWEAR! I LEARNED MY LESSON!

Click through for a fork-tongued demon with glow in the dark eyes and drool.
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