Tag: accessory

This Magma Neckpiece Looks Lava-ly

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magna necklace
This Magma Neckpiece is hot. Scorching. Women look lava-ly in magma. You make me blow my top girl! Guys, do yourself a favor and buy this for your lady. Don’t be cheap like me. *Flashes back to two years ago*

……

What is my surprise?

Just keep your blindfold on. It’s almost ready.

I’m so excited. What is it?

Well, you remember how you wanted that magma neckpiece? I made you one myself. Open your eyes.

Uh…This is like a drippy plastic melted candle…

Yeah, I opened a couple of lava lamps and dumped it on a mannequin head. Then cut the head off to make the hole. You’re welcome.

It feels hot still. Why is my shirt smoking.

Why indeed? Where did it pick up that habit? From a nun? Heh. I crack myself- Ow! I’ll grab the fire extinguisher.

Chicken Handbag: Fashion Most Fowl

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chicken purse
Next up on the rooster is this freaky accessory. Are you too chicken to carry this Chicken Handbag? Be brave. Trade in your clutch for a Cluck. Trade in your hand bag for a hen bag. No harm no fowl! In fact, this is how I like to carry the eggs home from the store. Most people get eggs OUT of chickens, I likes to put ’em back in.

Did I miss any puns? I mean, it is an egg-cellent bag. What the cluck? It sports an awesome free-range design and it won’t ruffle your feathers.

That’s it. It’s all I got. It’s also good for carrying your KFC home after a long day, which is wrong, but I don’t care.
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Dog Pajamas: A Woof in Sheep’s Clothing

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dog sheep pajamas costume
Is your dog perpetually sleepy and also a nerd? Etsy seller RebelWag sells dog pajamas. For dogs. Like this sheep costume/pajama thing here. I’ve never bothered counting sheep at night, but then again, I’ve never had a dog that dressed like one.

Dammit Spot! That was too fast. Now try it again and this time jump over the bed slower so I don’t lose count. And bark when I say the number. I’m trying to fall asleep here. “One sheep.” woof! “Two sheep.” Woof……

Woof.

Shut up. Trying to sleep here. Lousy sheep-dog!
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Human Bone Chandelier

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human bone chandelier
Lovely home you have here. Is that a bone chandelier? I find it rather humerus. And creepy. As they say in France, Bonswa.

That means good afternoon you idiot!

Okay, so how do you say “Adios to your house of horrors. I’m out!”

Au revoir.

Okay then. Au revoir and bone appetit. You ain’t getting my femur, cause I’m a screamer. I’ll fight you like Libya if you take my tibia. I’ll- Do I smell cake? Maybe I’ll stay a little longer. Can we eat in the other room?
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Take Out Tentacle Scarf

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chinese takeout food tentacle scarf
Orders Chinese. Waits for like a half an hour. Guy arrives. I tip him a buck forty and a lemon starburst. Then I go inside and unpack my order. It’s all piping hot. I open up the center container and retrieve my warm and toasty Take Out Tentacle Scarf. Wrapping it around my neck, I smile. I can now go out in the cold.

As I step toward the door, it hits me. It’s friggin June! What the hell. It’s like sub-zero here with the AC at full blast. Well, I guess I’m wearing my Take Out Scarf In today. Hope I fare better than that strangled mannequin below.
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