Damn son. Star Wars has gone viral! Like full Ebola. He doesn’t collect bounties. He infects them. This Ebola Fett figure comes with Glow in the Dark action! Limited infection of only 25 pieces.
Ebola Fett
Ridin’ dirty in a Vette.
Laboratory Playa,
Infecting Slave Leia.
Forming a contagion
of lyrical Invasion.
Fell into a pit
made the mighty Sarlacc Spit.
Yeah! The star wars vehicles these guys ride is your immune system.
How do you create a zombie? (Fun behind the scenes fact. I originally typed “Hoe do you create a zombie? and pictured a pimp shakin’ his cane at her as he said it all interrogation-like. I giggled. Good times. You best not be creatin’ no zombies hoe!) Anyway, where was I? ADD is like a maze wrapped inside a riddle and covered in a sweet enigma caramel shell. Oh yeah. Making your own zombies.
You see my child, when a filthy and rabid zombie loves your brain very very much, he bites you. That is how zombies are created. Now go to sleep and stop complaining about nightmares.
Or you can just buy this Create Your Own Zombie Action Figure Customizing Kit and make some yourself. On the other hand, the government used to create them with TV broadcasts.
This is the Creature from the Black Lagoon Action Figure that I’ve always wanted. One thing I never understood. Why is his lagoon black? Oil spill? I have no idea. I’m gonna get this guy and call him Gill. *Crickets* Get it? Gill? He’s got gills. *Silence* Tough room. Well, not that tough. I think I could take you all in a fight. If I was allowed to run home first and work out for like 2 years straight and come back.
Roses are red,
violets are maroon.(Color blind here.)
You always have to clean your carpet,
If your guest is the Creature from the Black Lagoon.
Sorry I’m late guys. Slammed too many Monster drinks and right now I’m twitchier than a facehugger in a room full of mannequin heads. This Alien Facehugger With Moveable Tail And Limbs is not helping. I discovered it at the same time my cat was behind me and put her tail in my face.
Ahhhh! Facehuggers are real! Get it off! *Grabs tail. Cat screams. I scream. We all scream, but not for ice cream.* And now I have a cat shaped hole in the wall and a pissed off cat with a vendetta. So anyway, I’m all extra tweaky. Did you hear that? Was that a real sound?
Anyway, this creeptastic Facehugger is all articulated with moveable limbs and tail. I’m not scared. I’ll grab it by the back of whatever passes for a neck and point it at a Budweiser. I just turned a facehugger into a beer chugger. Cuz I’m awesome like that.
DEAR GOD! CAT ON FACE! CAT ON FACE!
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Holy Jeebus! This Fist Of Jesus Action Figure rocks. Jesus is back and this time it’s personal! He comes complete with his fishbone sword weapon and blood splattered robe. The chosen one is here to lay down the smack. He came to turn water into wine and to kick ass. And he’s all out of water! Those who cross the son of god will soon find out he is a son of a- Shut your mouth! Just talkin’ bout Jesus!
Soon to be a major motion picture! No doubt.
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