Tag: art

Crazy Baby Octo-Fetus

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Crazy Baby Octo-Fetus
Octo-Fetus doesn’t need us. It just wants the human race out of it’s fetus face.

Here is the sonogram of your new baby. Would you like to know the baby’s sex?

*Stares with mouth hanging open. Shuts mouth with hand. Turns to wife.*

You told me you and Cthulhu were just friends. That explains the day I came home early to find his tentacles all over you. He’s a licensed masseuse you said. Didn’t put one tentacle where it didn’t belong you said. Well, he put something somewhere.
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Deer Anatomy: A Deer In The Stomach

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Deer Anatomy
Oh deer. Or is it a doe? I can never tell. Doh! Is that a deer in your stomach or are you just happy to see me? This piece of art called Deer Anatomy is all about eating a deer whole. And then letting that deer relax in the enchanted forest that is your gut.

So that’s what that rumbling was in my stomach. My deer is always super hungry.

Feed meeeeeeee!

Shut it deer!

Time Machines: I’m Going Back To The Future

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Time Machines I'm Going Back To The Future
Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need roads. But that’s just cuz I like to drive on the dirt side of the road. I think of myself as a ditch finder. I hit it so you don’t have to. I do it for the community. In fact, the local cops used to call me the Deuce of Hazard cuz it never looks cool and is always lame. When I found out what that meant, I laughed. Then cried. I’ll show them all when I buy one of Harveygallery’s time machines.

First I’m going back to 1984 when I was 4 pants sizes smaller. Gonna warn myself about the dangers of overeating so it changes the “Now Me” into a thin dude. Then the “Now Me” is gonna pig out and I won’t gain any weight cuz that 1984 sucker did all the work already. I’m gonna chill and enjoy being one of the “not fat” people for awhile, then zip off to the future where I find “Jabba the me” has finally porked out. Then I’m just gonna give up and we can pig out together and shoot the crap. Time machines are sweet!
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Alien Stonehenge Saturn Conspiracy Theory Painting

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Alien Stonehenge Saturn Conspiracy Theory Painting
Put on your tin foil hat and stare at this Alien Stonehenge Saturn Conspiracy Theory Painting. What do you see? I see one of those lizard dudes who secretly run our world. He’s wondering if he should go to Saturn or Stonehenge, so he thinks about a poem he heard while he was a hatchling.

Saturn girls will make you hurl.
But give them a ring and they’ll wed ya.

The girls of Venus have five kinds of penis.
And they only want to behead ya.

Earth girls? They’re alright.

Then he gets in his UFO and travels to Stonehenge cuz it is an interdimensional drive thru. He just wants a burger.

Weird Garbage Pail Kids Scenes

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Weird Garbage Pail Kids Scenes
Etsy seller Youmadewhat sells all kinds of little dioramas in plastic boxes, including these Garbage Pail Kids scenes. Too bad there’s no woman who will ever have kids with me. I would name them GPK names. Stuff like Ivana Suckyourblood or Grease Witherspoon. Maybe even Bruce Jender-Bender. Cleveland Steamer? Dim and Dough Kardashian?

But alas, I’m doomed to endless nights of Netflix binge watching and waking up with a sugar coma next to a Ben and Jerrys pyramid so perfect I blame ancient aliens. Whatevs. I got you guys right? Right? Guys? *sigh*
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