Tag: creature

Alien Xenomorph Queen Lamp

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

aliens lamp
Etsy seller Kreatworks creates all kinds of awesome and scary alien sculptures. Most of them cost way more than I have saved in my piggybank. I know, because I just busted the thing open and counted it all up before walking down the street and spending my life savings on a Kit Kat bar. Well, THAT was a tasty retirement! Back to work now!

Anyway, this Alien Xenomorph Queen Lamp is all kinds of scary and awesome. It will totally watch you all night long as you watch it back, until you are a nervous wreck and hiding under the blankets, cursing the fact that you soiled yourself.

Lesson learned. Some things are just too scary to have in your bedroom. The next morning you decide that it would look much better in your toddler’s room.
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Alien Face Hugger Ski Mask

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

crochet alien face hugger
This Alien Face Hugger Ski Mask is perfect for any heist where you want to rob somebody AND be impregnated down the throat by a gross and nasty alien. You heard me, put all the money in the bag. You don’t want me around when my chest explodes! *BOOM. SPLAT!* What did I tell you? Wipe that blood off your face and get on the floor. It’s snack time for baby alien. By the way, I could use a doctor after that explosive C section.

It won’t really keep you warm in the winter months, but it will keep other humans away from you. In my book, that’s a win. I ain’t anti-social. Just anti-people! That’s also why I use the Alien Face Hugger dog leash.
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Crazy 3 Foot Tall Monster Strung Up On A Tree

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hanging monster
He has terrorized you from under the bed for too long. He scares you to death even when you have a night light on all night. He steals your rolled up socks and puts sticky stuff inside so your mom finds it and sighs in disgust. So, when you finally catch the boogeyman, you know what to do. Tie his gnarled hands up and string him up in a tree for the whole neighborhood to see.

This 3 foot tall monster is nasty and just begging to be tortured by an angry mob as he hangs in that tree. “Drool included” of course.
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Well Preserved Thieving Elf Hand With Coin

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

elf handHow about a lil bit o’ the elf what thieved ya? What doya say Govner?

In the mid 19th century, many Northern European homes had issues with elves, the epidemic was not dissimilar to the infestation of rats or mice that many homes endure today. In the autumn if 1877, an impoverish farmer noticed his small savings of coins were rapidly dwindling despite the fact that he’d spent none of it. Fed up, he set a trap, days later he caught a small elf. As punishment for stealing his coins the old farmer lobbed off the creatures hand, still holding the man’s stolen coin. Countless attempts have been made to remove the coin but it remains today, still clutched in the grasp of the creature severed limb.

So I says to him…I don’t right know if at was the elf what thieved me…but he ad a hand init!
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Primordial Ooze Toys Are Gross And Fun

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Primordial Ooze
Fred Marinello sells some really strange and weird toys. Which of course means that we are all over this stuff. You can find a lot of freaky stuff in his online store, but some of the coolest may be these Primordial ooze toys. They all look like they just crawled out of the primordial soup and they aren’t too happy about it.

Waiter! There’s a half-formed dinosaur in my (primordial) soup.

These things are nasty and gross and colorful. Make sure you display them so that kids can see them. They like to live in the nightmares of young children. And bloggers! Gonna be another Nyquil and rum night for me!

Thanks Fred.
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