Octopus Lamp

Octopus Lamp
Damn. This Octopus lamp is scary as hell.

Daddy, why is that Octopus wrestling that lamp?

You see Billy, when an Octopus loves a lamp very much, he forcibly grabs the lamp and wraps himself around it so it can’t get away. Then he has his way with it. Hopefully with the lights out. It cares not about permission. I’m sorry you had to see that son.
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Two Headed Calf

Two Headed Calf
The trouble with a two headed calf is that you never know what they are trying to say. They say every MOO twice.

MOO-MOO.

What? What is it girl? You complimenting me on my outfit? Yes it is a nice moo-moo. Just something I wear around the house.

It’s a cute calf, but I’m not sure I like it. I think she’s two-faced.
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Taxidermy Bat Candelabra

taxidermy bat candelabra
This Taxidermy Bat Candelabra is perfect for your haunted house. What? Everybody doesn’t have one? Mine’s been haunted for ages. By me. Sometimes my guests see a hazy green vapor that looks like ectoplasm and it is accompanied by a horrible stench. And the terrible groaning! Well, that’s what I get for eating the Burger King Black Whopper.

Back to the candelabra. It belongs in my batcave. But first I have to walk through like a mile of guano and clear it with the Elder bat. So I think I’ll pass.
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3-D Horror Houses

https://www.etsy.com/shop/themoonlightmuse?ga_order=price_desc&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=spooky&ref=sr_gallery_36
These 3-D Horror Houses from themoonlightmuse are spooky as hell. They look just like the real houses. The Psycho house, the Adams family and more.

Like my house, they look fine from the outside, but inside? Inside of my house, blood drips down the wall, spirits talk to you and the tap water is all brown and nasty. The blood is because I like to throw tomato sauce against the wall, the spirits talking to you are just me trying to communicate over my 6 foot tall stacks of hoarded newspapers and the tap water only flows brown cuz I mixed up the pipes up when I fixed the crapper last week. See? There’s a reasonable explanation for everything.
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Housewares With The Souls Of Babies Trapped Inside

Housewares With The Souls Of Babies Trapped Inside
How’s your tea? Oh you know, screaming and tormented. How’s your soup? Screaming in agony apparently. Just the way I like it. SusanKniffinDavidson makes all kinds of kitchen and home items that look like the souls of babies are trapped inside. Like many a marriage and a dentist chair, they are screaming to get out.

The cups turn hot chocolate into “hot as hell and tormented chocolate”. The bowls make every bowl of soup a “Cup o Hades”.
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