Tag: decor

Trapeze Family Clothes Pins: The Amazing Pegzini Family

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trapeze family clothes pins
Now you can be part of a heart-pounding show every time you dry your clothes. You will marvel at the death defying antics. You will be astounded by the acrobatics. You will be- Pretty damn tired from doing laundry all day. But at least you can enjoy these fun trapeze family clothing pins on your clothes line.

These guys are good. Normally I just paint happy faces on my plain wooden clothes pins, but it’s a sausage-fest cuz they are all men. You can’t draw boobs on narrow clothes pins.

Anyway, sorry Pegzini family, your career is all downhill on my clothesline. No really. My size 50 jeans alone really make it sag. Once you were acrobats, now you are just downhill racers.
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Bloody Horror Candle

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blood candle
If you live in a house of horrors, where the walls bleed, the sink bleeds and otherworldly voices tell you to get out, this Bloody Horror Candle won’t even be noticed. But if you have a nice calm house that wasn’t sold to you by a demonic Realtor, this candle should scare your guests all by itself.

As it melts, it drips blood and just looks like a nightmare in general. On the other hand it does smell like crisp apples, with a touch of orange and spice. Smells bloody delicious.

Decorative Coffin Full Of Chocolate

Artemis Winterford2 Comments

decorative chocolate coffinSweeeet! A Decorative Coffin along with the chocolate that’s gonna put me inside it’s cramped embrace one day! Important note: These aren’t real chocolates, which is why my first bite ended in agony with bits of broken tooth all over my floor. Tried superglue, but that just made my mouth look like tetris pieces all lined up like in a game played by a twitchy speed freak.

So it was back to the dentist. I walk in and it’s the usual. Sees me. Smiles like a lunatic. Pulls up some luxury car websites on his iPad and asks what I’m going to be buying him today. I like that he includes his victims in his purchase decisions. Looks in my mouth. I point and say “Tetris”. He looks deeper. “No. That’s more like Jenga. Let’s get started. Which piece should I remove first? Love this game.”

After that I just remember waking up to him yelling “YAHTZEE!” and shaking my teeth in a cup with some nurses in the corner of the room.
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Shotgun Toilet Plunger

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shotgun toilet plunger
Do you have a clogged up colon? Has this led to the plumbing in your home also having a clogged colon? First, try more fiber, then get this Shotgun Toilet Plunger. It will make short work of clogged toilets.

Plunging the clogged feces from your toilet has never been more fun. Plunge it down and pull the trigger like you’re a redneck hunting gophers. That’s how a real man clears some pipes.

BOOOOOOOOM. Toilet shatters. Poop fountain sprays everywhere. Okay, who replaced my plunger with a real shotgun? Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. But this is the third time and the landlord is getting pissed guys. Come on!

Just Another Pot Head

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pot head
This is a Pot Head. This is also your brain while looking at a Pot Head.*Cracks an egg and fries it* It is the creation of Etsy seller museumofwonder, which is impressive. Because most people have to give birth to a Pot Head and let him ferment until his teen years when he starts experimenting. That’s what my parents did anyway.

Stupid Pot Head! Every time I try to cook in you, the food drips out of your mouth and nose like you’re listening to Pink Floyd and drooling. I wouldn’t care so much, except it usually starts a fire.