Tag: decoration

Small Bone Mirror With Bird Skulls

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Small Bone Mirror
Everyone looks great in a mirror that’s decorated with bones and bird skulls. I mean you look better than the skulls around your face. This Bone Mirror With Bird Skulls goes well with the coffin mirror. A mirror with bird skulls is really something to crow about. I just dove it, don’t you? Everyone is raven about it.

Hey internet boy shut up.

No you shut up. This is a free country and this is a free cafe. Well, not free. I paid for my coffee, so I’m free to blog here all I want and talk out loud while I’m typing.

And I’m free to give you a wedgie just like I did last week.

*Sigh* Yes Biff. I’m leaving now. But not because I’m scared. Not just because I’m scared, but because I can’t afford another pair of undies this week.

Zombie Claus Holiday Statue

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Zombie Claus Holiday Statue
Zombie Claus is here to deck the halls with rotting flesh and candy brains instead of candy canes. The stocking will be hung from the chimney with terror this year. This jolly moldy elf wants to take a bite out of your flesh. But that’s only after you hear the pitter-patter of undead reindeer on your roof and a groaning and rasping coming down your chimney. Christmas is now the day of the dead. I hope you got a shotgun last year, cuz you need it this year.

Life Size Dinosaur Skeleton

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Life Size Dinosaur Skeleton
Get yourself a Life Size Dinosaur Skeleton. Without having to dig it up from your back yard. Or like I did, tunneling under my own house so I can check my neighbor’s yard for fossils. To bad about the sink hole that lowered their roof to ground level. That was just coincidence. I only removed like 3 Wooly Mammoth skulls and a full T-Rex.

On the bright side, now I can do motorcycle jumps from my yard onto their roof, wearing an Evel Knievel jumpsuit and a dinosaur skull for a helmet. Well, not anymore since my cycle is now lodged half in their living room and half in their basement.

Crystal Skull With A Spider Inside

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

spider skull
Looky looky, everybody stop your nooky. This crystal skull has a spider lodged in it’s cranium. I mean lodged, as in it has taken up residence, like a real roger-dodger-lodger. This insect is a drainium on the Cranium. He’ll make ya feel dull in the skull, see.

Wait, what? It’s not “talk like an old timey radio guy” day? I always get that wrong. That’s after “talk like a pirate” day and before “walk like a busy hooker after a long night” day. I just can’t keep up.

Anywho, this crystal skull has a spider stuck inside. Haha. You can’t get me, spider. Suck it! *The sound of glass shattering.* Oh poopy!
Read more “Crystal Skull With A Spider Inside”

Blown Glass Spiders

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Blown Glass Spiders
Check out these creepy crawly glass spiders. Makes me picture a whole store full of these 8-legged demons. I hate spiders. Excuse me a moment while I go order Thor’s hammer online.

*Waits like 7 days because I’m too cheap to buy Amazon Prime.* Now I’m ready. *Bursts through the doors of the glass spider shop. Smashes everything in sight as glass flies everywhere, not stopping until every single spider is dead.* My work here is done. The world is a little safer now.
Read more “Blown Glass Spiders”