Tag: decoration

It’s For You: Skeleton Hand Phone Lamp

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skeleton phone
Riiiiiinnnnngggggggggg! Riiiiiinnnnngggggggggg! It’s for you. Oh, thanks! What the shizz?! This cool Skeleton Hand Phone Lamp will light your home and make it look like a skeleton is picking up the phone for you.

*Calls the repairman* Creepy Phone and Lamp Repair Inc.? Hey, the phone part of my lamp doesn’t work. It never rings.

I’ll come out and look at it.

*Two hours later. Creepy looking Beetlejuice looking guy shows up.*

What do we have here?

The ringer doesn’t work!

Hmmmmm. There’s your problem. The ring finger is broken. I see this all the time. *Puts a ring on it.* Goodbye!

*Calls back* It’s still not working. I can call out, but it never rings.

Okay, hang up. I’ll try the line.

Riiiiiinnnnngggggggggg! Riiiiiinnnnngggggggggg!

It works! It works!

Yeah and I think we know what the problem is now. It’s cuz you have no friends. *Sad silence* Fine! I’ll come over and we can play with your bone-phone loser-lamp.

Mad Scientist 1:12 Miniature Laboratory Set

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Miniature Laboratory Set
Sweet. A Mad Scientist 1:12 Miniature Laboratory Set. For very tiny Mad Scientists. Why are scientists so mad anyway? Probably because they have to wear lab coats all the time and can’t rock a fancy sweater-vest or UFO Jacket.

I’m buying it. That way if someone ever shrinks me down, I have a lab already set up and can make a potion to make me big again. *Knocks back a test tube full of blue junk.* Glug glug glug. It’s working! It’s working! *Head braeks through the ceiling. Stuck there. Looks around at the roof and birds and stuff.*

Good thing I’m prepared. Ordered another set to keep on the roof in case of exactly this kind of emergency. Now where’d it go. I- Da Fuq? Get away from that lab, squirrel! Is that meth? Oh sh*t. It’s all methed up and coming for me.
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Ouija Board Coffee Table

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ouija board coffee table
Thanks for inviting me over for coffee. What’s this?

That’s my new Ouija Board Coffee Table. Let’s ask it a question.

Cool. I’ll start? Are there any spirits in the house?

*Grabs a bottle of Jim Beam and smashes it against his head.*

There’s your f**king spirits! What are you crazy? I hate ghosts.

Fantasy Creatures From Another Dimension

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Creepy Little Creatures
I’m pretty sure these Fantasy Creatures from Sweetsign would bite my hand off if I tried to pet them. So I’ll probably never ever touch them. I’ll just throw bed crumbs at them, until I have a huge mound of moldy bread in front of the shelf that they are occupying. Then I still won’t feel safe. And I’ll have bugs. Which they will probably love. They’ll come off of the shelf, eat a few bread bugs, then go back to displaying themselves. Then they’ll demand more bugs. Which takes more moldy bread….

What I’m trying to say is, this is why my house is a pigsty. You think I like living like this? I got freaky little creatures to feed! I used this same line on my wife when we first started dating. Sucker! *Runs around the room like a Tasmanian Dirt Devil, stirring up a filth tornado and laughing maniacally.* I’ll never be clean. NEVER!
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Scene From Titanic Painting With A T-Rex

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Scene From Titanic Painting With A T-Rex
Remember that scene from Titanic where Jack paints rose? Well, now you can remember it in a whole new way. With a T-Rex.

Paint me like one of your French girls Jack.

Sure, why not? If you wanted some hair under your arms you should have just said so. Let’s give you a baguette under one arm too and put a mime in the background. And a glass of wine. Have I missed any French stereotypes? Hmmmm, let’s give you something to surrender to. Like a giant asteroid that will wipe out your entire species. Yes Rose, I can do that. Love you Rose. Now show me one of those dinosaur boobies.