Tag: decoration

Kraken Tentacle Wall Decals

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Kraken tentacles wall decal
Hey, what’s Kraken? These Kraken Tentacle Wall Decals, that’s what? It wants to give you a big hug, then pull you down to drown in the murky depths. Kind of like my Aunt Louise always did, except she’ll pinch your cheeks first, then pull you in for a hug so you can suffocate in her massive bosoms. That might not have been so bad, but Aunt Louise used to be Aunt Louie. I had an awkward childhood.

At family get-togethers my dad would hold him/her back at the door, then yell, “Unleash the Kraken!” and all the kids would run. I was always too slow.
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Scary Intruder Decoration For Halloween

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scary intruder halloweenIntruder alert! Intruder alert! This scary intruder is peeking around the door to bugger me bum-diddly-um-hole. Or something like that. Whatever this dude is up to, I don’t want any part of that and neither do you. That’s why this is the ultimate prank.

He’s similar to the Scary Tapping Peeper and the Peeping Tom or the Peeping Clown.

Jeepers creepers, that’s a lot of peepers. See, this is why ya gotta keep your peepers peeled. These creepers are always out to get you.

Horror Character Fridge Magnets

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Horror Character Fridge Magnets
Chill with your favorite horror movie killers. Because these Horror Character Fridge Magnets will always be chill. They’re on your fridge. You get Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, Ghostface and Leatherface. They’ll give you a false scare every time you get a midnight snack. Which for me is several times between midnight and midnight of the next night.

If you’re scared of these guys, just put them on the fridge and consider yourself on a diet.

Evil Eye Lamp

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Evil Eye Lamp
Hey, it’s the all seeing eye. Isn’t that what’s on the dollar bill? Also, the Illuminati uses it to indoctrinate those of weak mind. Illuminati? Nah. Illumi-nutty! No way they exist. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway. My head is in the sand. Firmly. No need to come after me. We cool now? Aight!

Okay. Then this Evil Eye Lamp is pretty awesome. It has color changing LED’s and it promises not to hypnotize you and make you do crazy stuff. But it will remain bloodshot because it has no eyelid to moisten it. Plus, maybe it has allergies.

The Ultimate Halloween Advent Calendar

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The Ultimate Halloween Advent Calendar
That thing you have in your kitchen? That’s not an advent calendar. This is the Ultimate Halloween Advent Calendar. I gotta stop right here. Time out. I admit, I have no idea what advent calendar means, but my fifth grade education wants to say it involves adventure and time. The answer? DOCTOR WHO? Am I right? Do I get to take a ride in the TARDIS? No? Well, screw you too BBC. I would make an excellent companion. I’m leggy, elegant, always up for adventure, look great in a skirt and I can work a sonic screwdriver like a pro because it’s all about the wrist action and a confident motion when the Doctor puts it in your hand.

Uh… Is everyone as creeped out as I am right now? Yeah, I can totally see why the BBC wouldn’t choose me. I need to use words better.

Look, all I know is that it’s fun to open doors and see what the next Halloween surprise will be. Is that it? That’s what an advent calendar is? I feel kinda let down to be honest.
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