Tag: Design Toscano

Dark Shadows Gargoyle Sculptural Lamp

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Dark Shadows Gargoyle Sculptural Lamp
Damn, this gargoyle is all like, “Waz up? I have arrived and I’m about to move my wings like a trench coat and flash you.” Enjoy the ethereal light that seems to emminate from his ghostly gargoyle crotch. This Dark Shadows Gargoyle Sculptural Lamp is half evil, half… I don’t know what. I just know I don’t want to see his demon weenie, but he seems to be threatening to show it. Is that a light in your loafers or are you just happy to see me? Both? Cool. This lamp will cast some neat light onto your wall, I just hope it doesn’t cast a shadow shaped like his demonic junk.

Gargamel the gargoyle got gassy and gargled garlic in the great gazebo with Gonzo the ghost guest. I just had to type that. No reason. Glad I got that out of my system. Now my brain will have room for other more important stuff. Despite his glowing nether regions on this lamp, it’s a pretty cool piece of interior frighting. You guy readers should get one. Because every Gar-boy needs a Gar-goyle! I totally nailed that one! Usually I just staple gun it. Or even thumb tack it.

Grim Reaper Toilet Paper Holder

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Grim Reaper Toilet Paper Holder
Where’d that Grim Reaper Toilet Paper Holder come from?

Hey Grim Reaper. What are you doing here, holding my TP for me?

Well, I was in the neighborhood and it smelled like death so…*shrugs*

I hear ya. I really gotta eat more fiber and roughage.

Where there is the smell of death, I am summoned.

Yeah, I thought I saw you for a sec when I was taking that 3 alarm dump in the woods last week. I knew I recognized those glowing red eyes. And last month when that cabbage fart nearly wrecked my jeans. I just wanna say thanks for looking out for me. Thanks for being there. You might want to clear up your schedule for Saturday night. All you can eat Mexican night. See ya then.

Dracula And Coffin Statue

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Dracula And Coffin Statue
This Dracula And Coffin Statue is the perfect gift for the vampire that has everything. Because now he can have a statue that shows him doing his vampire thing. Sometimes he’s in the coffin taking a little nap like Naps-feratu, sometimes you can display him awake and just hanging out by the coffin. This gift might even make your blood-drinking friend realize how lame their life is.

Life is about more than just a coffin you know. Maybe set an alarm so you don’t sleep all day long. By the way, have you looked for a job this week? We’ve had this talk before. You are what? 3000 years old and sleeping all hours of the day, out all night and you can’t even be bothered to do your chores around the house? You better shape up old man!

Zombie Gnombie Statue

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Zombie Gnombie Statue
This Zombie Gnombie Statue is all undead and rising from the dirt. He gets bonus points for having stigmata marks on his hands. What up my homie from another gnomie? You just gonna stay silent wit yo zombie self? Aight, be like dat Aber-gnombie and bi*ch!

Why you crawling all up in my yard anyway? *Steps on his head and pushes him back down* Dat’s what it is. This ain’t no halfway house for horror gnomes. Pop up in somebody else’s yard else I’mma have to play whack-a-gnome! Ya get me? Aight! Peace! Don’t be leaving no gopher trails in my grass now!

You can find him here and here.

Raptor Skeleton Garden Sculpture

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Raptor Skeleton Garden Sculpture
Sweet! There’s a raptor in my garden! I put in a rib-bone as a seed like 2 months ago and it’s finally growing! Yippee! I can’t wait to take him on long walks and wait for him to go pee-pee on fire-hydrants and scoop up his dino poop. I’m gonna call him Craptor, cuz he craps so much. Wait a minute! Craptor’s not moving! What’s wrong boy? OH NO! CRAPTOR NO!

*Tears* He was so young. Fresh out of the dirt. *Sniff* Oh well. I guess he can just be buried where he’s at. Jk everybody. It’s just an awesome Raptor Skeleton Garden Sculpture. Craptor was never alive. Except in our hearts. He will always be in our hearts.