Tag: etsy

Horrifying Spider Doll

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Horrifying Spider Doll
This nightmare on eight legs is a Horrifying Spider Doll. The seller calls it Wilson the Wolf Spider. I call it, “Kill it! Kill it now!” It’s making me all itchy so I just sprayed like a case full of Raid all over my house. Which is why I have red welts all over my body and am having a hard time breathing. At least I’m not worried about hallucinating, since I have already seen this nightmare. What could be worse?

Uh, that crazy gnome with the grasshopper face and the serial killer knife, comes pretty close. I don’t like how his lower half is a praying mantis, sharpening a second knife on it’s legs….

Update: It’s an hour later. I jumped out of my window and let the place air out. Woke up in the garden. It’s much better now. It’s down to insecticide level 2, which means that the circus troop of flaming monkees now dancing around my living room should be about done. No, I did not misspell monkees. It really is the fake TV band from the 60s!
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Aliens Quilt: I Want To Believe

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Alien Quilt
This cool aliens quilt is just like the kind that grandma used to make. After she was abducted by aliens in the middle of the night. It’s full of little green that have eyes featuring NYC Times Square images with parts of buildings, statues, and other stuff.

If they come to get you at night and see this quilt, they will know that we know. Then you’ll wake up and they will know that we know that they know that we know. Ya know? Man, conspiracy stuff is crazy hard and confusing.

Frankenstein Monster And Bride Of Frankenstein Mugs

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Frankenstein Monster And Bride Of Frankenstein Mugs
Check out these cool Frankenstein Monster And Bride Of Frankenstein Mugs. After you’ve been married a few years, this is how you see each other anyway, so you might as well get them. Trust me, I was married for like 20 years one summer.

Now you can have his and hers monster mugs. Which won’t last long cuz she’ll just throw hers at you one morning and then blame you for it, then break your own cup to teach you a lesson. Then you are back to square one with no monster mugs. That’s just love. Also, possibly a lack of medication.
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Large Jar of Garden Gnome Skulls

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Large Jar of Garden Gnome Skulls
Oh Gnome they dit’int! They filled some jars with gnome skulls. Not numb-skulls, which I get called on a regular basis, but gnome skulls. Have you gnome shame? I can’t look. I just feel gnome!

I had no idea that a Large Jar of Garden Gnome Skulls could look so creepy and horrible. Gnome more, please!

Gnome. Gnome on the range. Where the deer and the antelope play…with gnome bones.

Rubber Lips Wall Hanging

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Rubber Lips Wall Hanging
Whatcha doin’ rubber lips? Just being a Rubber Lips Wall Hanging and hanging around, waiting to be kissed? What’s that? If I kiss you, you’ll turn into a beautiful full fledged woman? Yeah, but will you still be rubber? Doesn’t matter, my last relationship was the same way. I’ll hang you at lip height so I can kiss you. Then the magic happens. Let’s just get rid of that cigarette first. Those lips sure are nice.

*Looks around to make sure nobody is watching.* You know what, that space is reserved for a poster I have my eye on. I’m just gonna put you wayyy down here at belt buckle level. Just below. Yeah, cuz wall space is at a premium. Hey, you know what…..

Chicken butt!

You people and your dirty minds. I just have very little wall space. Geesh!