Tag: etsy

Zombie Bride Bustier: Nice Brains

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

zombie bustier
The undead bride-to-be is going to look lovely in this Zombie Bride Bustier. I didn’t know that zombies took brides, but looking at the brains on this one, I can see why they might. You don’t get brains like that unless you study hard and stay in school. Well, I guess a zombie plastic surgeon could augment what you have and give you a bigger brain-cup though. Anywho, you will be the “Walking Down The Aisle” Dead in this outfit.

Dead, undead, alive, it’s all the same. Within a year she will be yelling at you to clean up the dishes and complaining that you don’t bring her fresh brains anymore.
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Alien Xenomorph Queen Lamp

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

aliens lamp
Etsy seller Kreatworks creates all kinds of awesome and scary alien sculptures. Most of them cost way more than I have saved in my piggybank. I know, because I just busted the thing open and counted it all up before walking down the street and spending my life savings on a Kit Kat bar. Well, THAT was a tasty retirement! Back to work now!

Anyway, this Alien Xenomorph Queen Lamp is all kinds of scary and awesome. It will totally watch you all night long as you watch it back, until you are a nervous wreck and hiding under the blankets, cursing the fact that you soiled yourself.

Lesson learned. Some things are just too scary to have in your bedroom. The next morning you decide that it would look much better in your toddler’s room.
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Light-up Iridescent Seahorse Costume

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seahorse costume
This seahorse looks surprisingly happy about washing up on a pile of rocks, so I have to deduct points for bad acting(She may have just had a bad script). However, she gets bonus points for making a kick-ass Seahorse costume and for having a nice set of sea-legs.

If you have a spare $450. and yearn to live life like the horse of the sea, go ahead and pull the trigger. Click through for another sexy beach pic, followed by a creepy pic of this Seahorse doing the chicken dance, while in the background a fog forms, summoning the ghosts of a Seahorse army.
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Extraterrestrial Jewelry: Crop Circle Pendant

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crop circle jewelry
Not content with ruining our fields with their crop circle shenanigans, despite several farmers yelling for them to get off their land, the extraterrestrials have now taken to making crop circle jewelry. Apparently by focusing a bunch of new age energy and channeling it through this Etsy seller.

The Crop Circle Pendant Has Arrived on your Planet Today through Skydin Zeal’s Constant Communication with the Enlightened Portion of the Universe’s Celestial Guides!

Oh cool. Thank’s for the delivery and the colorful new age pamphlet that smells like incense.
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Wounded Deer Painting/Lamp

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

wounded deer etsy painting
Oh Etsy. You offer so much WTF and ask for so little in return. This Wounded Deer Painting looks like it belongs in a wasteland bar after the apocalypse, where you would find a bunch of Road Warrior cultist types worshiping it while 1940s music blares over a radio.

The candles on the antlers actually light up just like the ones on the base. What’s with the heart shaped quills on the arrows? This isn’t what love should look like. I’m confused. How is it even still alive? I’m scared. I don’t even know what to think. I’m sad.