Sometimes Her Arms Bend Back: Twin Peaks Laura Palmer Doll

Laura PalmerTwin Peaks. Great place to visit. I wouldn’t want to live there though. Who am I kidding? I would live there just to eat the apple pie and drink the coffee. Speaking of TP(I mean Twin Peaks, not toilet paper), check out this $450. Laura Palmer doll from Etsy seller MisforMadness.

She comes all wrapped up in plastic, ready to throw in a lake and the box looks like her diary. Open it up and you see the red room. Pretty awesome. She even comes with an owl. You can check out more images below.

Fun fact. I used to date a woman called the log lady. They didn’t call her that because she carried around a piece of wood, but because she was always stacking logs like a lumberjack in the poop room. Went through two ceiling fans and a case of scented candles before I had to call it off. Such is life.
Read more “Sometimes Her Arms Bend Back: Twin Peaks Laura Palmer Doll”

If You Like It, Put A Cathedral Ring On It

cathedral ringNothing says love like putting a giant cathedral on her finger. Plus, now your betrothed can punch a fancy church right through your eye socket when she catches you cheating. This thing even has gargoyles and a skull. It probably even has a little priest that comes out and blesses you every hour.

It will cost you $6,500.00 from Etsy seller MetalCoutureJewelry, but it will be bigger than anything her friends are wearing.

More images below.
Read more “If You Like It, Put A Cathedral Ring On It”

Weird Extraterrestrial In A Box

cute weird alienYou’ll find all kinds of strange and bizarre creatures in Etsy seller netherworldoddities’ shop, but this cute and weird extraterrestrial is special. I’m pretty sure he will grant you three wishes, before laughing maniacally and disappearing in a puff of smoke that smells like a fart, which is this tricksters final gift to you.

First I would be all like, “Look, give me unlimited wishes and I will wish for some legs for your little Jabba The Hutt body. Are you with me here? Or do you want to crawl around like a slug all your life?” You have to know how to handle these Genie types. Of course, I would give him “table legs”, which are pretty useless. No Genie is getting one over on me! Not after last time. *Peers out the curtain, watching all the male deer graze on my front lawn…my neighbors lawn…his neighbor’s lawn…and everywhere* Stupid literal Genie, giving me the million bucks I asked for!
Read more “Weird Extraterrestrial In A Box”

Authentically Detailed Zombie Costumes

zombie clothingEtsy seller DCATX sells all kinds of authentic looking Zombie costumes like the one above, if you have the urge to dress like an undead half-rotted corpse. You could probably create one of these yourself by blowing yourself up Bugs Bunny style, but this is much safer.

The details look spot on. He probably just dips the clothes into his piranha tank. Probably has a hook for a hand too. Maybe two if he didn’t learn from the first time.

More shots below.
Read more “Authentically Detailed Zombie Costumes”

Squeezably Soft: Colin the Colon Plush Toy

plush colonNow is your chance to buy your very own plush colon. Just like your real colon, this guy is lovable and squeezable. The only difference is this one is clean, won’t pinch off a loaf and it has googly eyes. Usually, it’s me who gets googly eyes, from straining too hard.

TMI? Deal with it. I name my pooping sessions after the books I finish with each sitting. I just took a huge War and Peace. Lately I’m a big George R.R. Martin fan too. The other day I took a Storm of Swords and later that night, I took a Feast of Crows sized dukie that almost set off the fire alarm. I’m calling this whole week A Song of Grunting and Fire.

This cuddly colon is only $30 from Etsy seller organbank, who makes lots of other plush organs too.