Tag: extraterrestrial

3D Alien Head Lamp

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3D Alien Head Lamp
Holy Jeebus! This 3D Alien Head Lamp scared the hell out of me. It wasn’t until I reached behind me and covered my bung-hole and checked myself for implants, that I realized it was a lamp. Pretty realistic. Anyway, ain’t no way they’re coming back.

I have barbwire all over the floor, barbwire on the wall in case they float through and all over the ceiling in case they float through that. I also replaced my bedroom floor with a piranha tank, so I’m good. Only thing is I can’t move from my bed. Can one of you guys maybe come over here with a long piece of wood or something so I can leave my room?
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Roswell Alien Refrigerator Magnet

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Roswell Alien Refrigerator magnet
This Roswell Alien Refrigerator Magnet will be a great dietary tool for me, cuz everytime I go in the fridge for a snack, I’ll be reminded that aliens probe human butts. And I don’t want any of that bizz.

You know what, I really want some ice cream. Oh no! Not the alien head again. Their version of Double Fudge Delight is not the same as mine. And it involves a cold table and weird alien tools. Yeah, I’ll just go hungry.

Gray Alien Stuffed Plush ExtraTerrestrial

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Gray Alien Stuffed Plush ExtraTerrestrial
WTF?! Hey you guys aren’t supposed to come until the dead of night. I thought we had a deal. Who’s your green friend? The alien Hulk? No, let me guess, he just gets UFO sick and spends the whole trip puking and turning green. What? Your supervisor? What’s he doing here? Checking out your prostate probing productivity? A trip P evaluation then. Hey Greenie, you ain’t the boss of me. Him yeah. Not me. HAhahahaha. That picture makes it look like someone yanked your UFO hat off your head.

OW! You really forced me down there. Oh, we’re starting already? Just lasered my pants right off huh. Well, I hope your supe gives you a good evaluation.

This Gray Alien Stuffed Plush ExtraTerrestrial also comes in green. One is the boss, the other the lackey. Two and a half feet tall. Life-sized!

Alien Space Dog Remains

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Alien Space Dog Remains
You know how it is. You’re out zipping through space in your Hot Rod UFO, your space dog’s head hanging out the window, when suddenly Fido has to take a leak. And since you don’t want him lifting his leg in your newly upholstered UFO, you have to make a pit stop. On Earth. But you encounter a lightning storm and you crash. Then some hick finds your alien corpse and your Alien Space Dog Remains. That’s an embarrassing way to go. Your remains are in the hands of those lower life-forms that you have probed endlessly.

I say, you got what you deserved space scum! And if my butt-hole wasn’t so messed up, I’d kick your alien keister! But I have to hit the toilet like now before I erupt! That’s your fault. And stop leaving your dogs all over our planet! *Farts as I run to the bathroom*

Anyway, damn their space dogs are ugly. Big brains though. I bet when you put a treat on it’s nose, it just telekinetically lifts it and carries it into it’s mouth. That seems like something a freaky space pooch would do. At least they are evolved enough to ASK if they can hump your leg. Probably cuddle it after too.
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Alien Ties: Dress For Alien Abduction Success

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Alien Ties Dress For Alien Abduction Success
Now we join an alien abduction already in progress…

“Beeble-brix zat-sylum kubri-saq.” Nudges his alien buddy and points at the Alien Tie the victim is wearing.

“Axl-herkl Haw-gab nee-srink!” *LOL* Which translates to, “He worships us. This one deserves extra lube!”

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.