Shark Bite Adult Sleeping Bag

shark sleeping bagI love this Shark Bite Adult Sleeping Bag. You can get in and shark all around the floor, all flippy floppy like a shark out of water, until you find your roommate’s leg hanging off the side of the couch and take a giant bite while he’s watching Shark Week. Dude, shut your hole. Stop screaming! The neighbors are going to complain. It’s just a flesh wound. Jesus, what a baby!

This sleeping bag is 6 feet 3 inches long. Plenty big enough for an adult human to be the predator of the house. I would advise you to go for the head first to avoid the screams of your prey.

Bigfoot Research Kit

bigfoot research kit
*Removes “Gone Squachin'” sign* I’m back and you’ll be happy to know that I’ve bagged a Bigfoot. It took a few drinks and a story about how I was in the CIA, but she eventually came around. The bag was strictly for my protection, because her feet weren’t the only things about her that were big and ugly. Oh, I also caught a Sasquatch.

Turns out all you need is the “In Search Of” theme music mixed with the “X-Files” theme music and a poster of a half naked Dana Scully nailed to a tree. Oh and this Bigfoot Research Kit helps too. Just makes you all official.

Well, I’m off to teach it sign language and how to get snacks from the convenience store. They won’t even notice the difference from when this hairy ape goes in and fills a cart with slim jims and doritos. They’ll probably ask if I got a haircut.

Slice Of Pizza Sleeping Bag

pizza sleeping bag
Make like some cheesy crust and slip into this Slice Of Pizza Sleeping Bag. Did you sleep good? Yeah I had a good slice! Saucy dreams too! The pillows are sold separately by the same seller.

I’m buying one and having a big sleepover next month, so I expect 7 of you girls to buy this. Then we can all lay on my floor in a circle and make a whole pizza. Warning you now though, I will likely burrow from one sleeping bag to the other while you are snoring away, like a crazy pizza-groundhog. If we wake up in the same slice you have six more weeks of winter, so you best cozy up to me. Just the way it works.

Well, it’s been a slice. Laterz.
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Taxidermy Fridge Magnets

taxidermy fridge magnet
We don’t all have room in our homes to display stuffed and mounted dead stuff. So what can you do? Well, if you absolutely have to have some dead stuff around and the conversation with your dead grandmother’s corpse in the rocking chair has turned boring, try these Taxidermy Fridge Magnets.

No miniature animals actually had to die so that you can display them on your fridge. Ya whack job! I kid. But really, this is a much classier way to display dead animals. A real space saver too. Now you can be a big game (magnet) hunter. They even come in super cool packaging that makes each piece look like they are on display in a tiny room.
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Spooky Toilet , Bathroom And Laundry Signs

spooky skeleton bathroom and laundry signs
If you have a skeleton hanging around your house, it’s a good idea to put up these Spooky Toilet , Bathroom And Laundry Signs. Just so others know that a skeleton may be taking a bath, hanging out on the clothes line or taking a dump. What does a skeleton dump anyway? Calcium obviously. I’ll ask one of them bony supermodels the next time I’m in New York. They probably squeeze for a half hour and pass a crystal encrusted Faberge egg that says Prada.

I’m getting these just for the Bathroom sign, cuz my house is haunted and I’m sick of guests walking in on that skeleton ghost who likes to play with a rubber duck and use up all of my bubble bath.