Tag: gag gift

People I Want To Punch In The Face Book

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People I Want To Punch In The Face Book
Oh look, it’s Facebook. People I Want To Punch In The Face Book! This handy notebook is a good place to write down all of the people’s names that you want to punch in da face! Let’s have a look inside and see if it comes with any names. *Opens it up*

Creepbay writer! Creepbay writer! Creepbay writer! I hate that guy! Creepbay writer! Creepbay writer! Creepbay writer!

Oh snap! That guy really wants to punch me. Yeah, well I’m gonna fill mine up with your name! What’s your name? Damn! *Doorbell rings. I walk over and answer* PUNCH!

OW! *Wakes up an hour later* I guess we’re good now. Unless somebody else has my name in this book. Come at me bro!

Miniature Gold Toilet With Opening Lid Necklace

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Miniature Gold Toilet With Opening Lid Necklace
This is the kind of bling I’m looking for. A Miniature Gold Toilet With Opening Lid Necklace. I bet it even has a little diamond poop inside too. I always wanted a gold toilet, so I could show it to all the peeps on MTV cribs when they come to check out my sweet Hollywood mansion. Obviously that never happened, but at least I can wear this cool gold commode and pretend.

Toilet bling. That’s what I’m talking about. Now do I put the picture of a loved one inside the lid or someone I hate?

Hipster Head Bag

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Hipster Head Bag
The Hipster Head Bag lets you carry the head of a hipster around with you as if you have decapitated one and are now using it as a trophy purse. Carry your items inside the head of this hipster and fill his head with something aside from artisanal foods and how to tie off his man-bun under that hat. This bag really is hip. Cuz it’s on your hip.
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I Love The Poop Out Of You Toilet Paper

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I Love The Poop Out Of You Toilet Paper
I love you guys. And to show you, here’s some I Love The Poop Out Of You Toilet Paper. I really do you know. Glad to help you evacuate your colon. This is the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for anyone, because we all have to poop. I know that I want others to think about me every time they wipe.

It’s functional. It’s thoughtful. It gets your butt clean. Give them chocolates to make them poop and then give them the gift of wiping. Like my dad used to say to my mom, “Here’s something for your mouth and something for your butt. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Being Stylish During Your Period: Sanitary Pad Necklace, Purse And Hair Clip

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Being Stylish During Your Period Sanitary Pad Necklace, Purse And Hair Clip
It’s not easy being stylish during your period. Am I right ladies? Well, now you can be stylish and announce to the world that your Aunt Flo is visiting at the same time. With a Sanitary Pad Necklace, Purse And Hair Clip. Sanitary pads, they aren’t just for, you know. They’re for fashion. Grouchy, touchy, bitchy fashion. Here have a Snickers bar. You’re a diva when you are having your-

SHUT UP YOU PIECE OF S**T MAN BLOGGER!

*Dodges shoe* Look, all I’m saying is it’s not an easy time for you. Can I rub your feet? Maybe just-

I WILL RUB YOUR LIFE OUT!

I knew this was a bad idea. Look, wear these period accessories or not. I don’t care. I know you want to kill all men right now, but keep one thing in mind. You can’t spell menstruation without men.

TIME TO DIE!

Laterz peeps. Gonna try to lure her away with some chocolates and a pint of ice cream.