Tag: geek

Dragon Dice

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

dragon dice
Dragon Dice! The game of dragons and dice! New from Spaz-bro! These dragon dice are just what a nerd like me needs to up my D and D cred with my dungeon-mates. I kind of opened a door without checking for traps. Then ran in and found myself in the center of like 50 sleeping Orcs in their barracks. Who all woke up because I yelled, “What’s up biatches!” So much for stealth.

As punishment they fireballed and lightninged the whole room, with me in it. They haven’t let me play since, even though I brought cookies last time. These dragon dice should make up for it. Then I’ll be back to getting people killed in no time.
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Bookends That Attack

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

bookends
You can’t have books without having some bookends to keep them all organized. Unless you are me and you use canned vegetables, because you’re cheap. What else am I gonna do, eat ’em? Anyway, if I eat that can of corn, my entire Game of Thrones book series is going to fall. Not that I read it. TV made it so I don’t have to read it. Anyway, did you know those books are like 500 pages? And they don’t even have a single picture of a dragon inside?

Anyway these awesome bookends from KnobCreekMetalArts all feature various attacks, with your books caught in the middle. Everything from tentacles attacking pirate ships, to dinosaurs trying to eat people, to aliens abducting people. Who needs to read the books when the bookends are so exciting?

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Giant Cardboard Robot Arms

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

giant cardboard robot arms
This giant cardboard robot arms DIY kit lets you create…giant cardboard robot arms. Sweet! I am gonna terrorize everybody. At least until somebody figures out my kryptonite. NO! Not the box cutter! If that happens I’ll just run away to my robot lair and cry. Then move to another town and terrorize them all over again.

The kit comes with everything you need to create two giant robot arms and it will take you around 5 hours to complete. They measure 5.5 feet long. This is gonna be fun. Cower before me humans!
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Spocktopus 3D Printed Spock Octopus

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

spocktopus
I don’t want to give you a shocktopus, but here is a 3D printed Spocktopus. I would have picked Sulu myself just so I could call him Cthul-Sulu, but whatever. Welcome to the bridge Mr. Spocktopus. I’m Captain Kirk. Not sure where you are gonna sit with those…whatever they are. Uhura is already complaining that you can’t keep your tentacles to yourself, but don’t worry about it. She doesn’t complain for long, if ya know what I mean. Am I right? It’s a real sausage-fest on this ship and she likes to think of me as Jimmy Dean.

Captain Kirk is such a jerk
Gave me a red shirt
Now I’m in the dirt
And damn those phaser burns hurt.
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Cheeseburger Wristwarmer Set

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

cheeseburger handwarmer
This cheeseburger wrist warmer set will keep you warm in cold weather, which beats buying like 4 Big Macs and stuffing them into your coat for warmth. One under each arm pit and two in this special bra I made. Go ahead and laugh, but I’m warm and toasty, even if I do smell like substandard meat all day. I also get a 6 pack of Chicken Mcnuggets, but I ain’t saying where I put those.

I would totally rock these, but I don’t see any pickles. You gotta have pickles.