Tag: halloween

Screaming Skull Shelf

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Screaming Skull Shelf
Check out this Screaming Skull Shelf. He’s all like,”PUT SOME BOOKS ON ME! NOW! DO IT NOW! I NEED KNICK-KNACKS! I NEED IT NOW!” Damn son, calm yourself.

Two hours later. *Trying to sleep with a pillow over my head. Listening to the screaming.* I NEED A FLOWERPOT FOR MY SKULL. DECORATE ME NOW! DO IT NOW! I HAVE BECOME ONE WITH THE WALL. YOU WILL NEVER BE RID OF ME. I NEED A SMALL VASE!

Two hours after that. *Ding-Dong* Hello sir, we got a report of screaming coming from these premises. *Points to the skull shelf on the wall.*

OFFICER, GET ME A FRAMED PICTURE. DO IT NOW. GET ME ANYTHING! I MUST BE COMPLETE! A FISH BOWL! NOW!

Why do you always have these problems sir?

*Shrugs* You know I like to buy weird stuff. This stuff is weird. Stuff happens.

MAGAZINE PILES! NEED! DO IT NOW!

*Cop walks in. Grabs some books off a desk and puts them on the shelf. Shelf shuts the hell up at last, breathing heavy and relaxing.*

I AM COMPLETE! *Shelf falls asleep, snoring.*

*Cop looks at me.* Please stop buying this weird stuff, sir!

Small Bone Mirror With Bird Skulls

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Small Bone Mirror
Everyone looks great in a mirror that’s decorated with bones and bird skulls. I mean you look better than the skulls around your face. This Bone Mirror With Bird Skulls goes well with the coffin mirror. A mirror with bird skulls is really something to crow about. I just dove it, don’t you? Everyone is raven about it.

Hey internet boy shut up.

No you shut up. This is a free country and this is a free cafe. Well, not free. I paid for my coffee, so I’m free to blog here all I want and talk out loud while I’m typing.

And I’m free to give you a wedgie just like I did last week.

*Sigh* Yes Biff. I’m leaving now. But not because I’m scared. Not just because I’m scared, but because I can’t afford another pair of undies this week.

Gothic Bat Necklace

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Gothic Bat Necklace
Even if you don’t know much about fashion and style, you can always wing it with this Gothic Bat Necklace. Get it? Wing it? Oh, this would look lovely on you Morticia. You too Elvira. Yeah, so what if I’m a name dropper? Once I dropped my friend Jennifer’s name. Broke a few letters. Now she’s just Jen. No, not Jenny from the block. Jenny the checkout girl from the store down the street. Nah, she doesn’t work the register. I just like to check her out. Well, not like a library book or anything. She doesn’t have time and date stamps down her spine from me checking her out.

Oh man, I get so off track after like 4 cups of coffee. Also after some D cups. Any size really. Damn, I’m really tweakin’ here guys. Off track like a wrecked race car. Okay, calm down. I can do this. *Takes a deep breath.*

Basically I’m trying to say that this Bat Necklace is awesome. It’s the bees knees. The bat’s knees. Bat-knee. Is that bat acne? I have no guano idea.

I’m out. Gonna go run around the house and scream until I feel normal again.

Leather Dragon Eye Bracelets

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Leather Dragon Eye Bracelets
Check out these Leather Dragon Eye Bracelets from LeasBoutique. They have all kinds of cool bracelets. Soooooo hypnotizing. *Feels sleepy* Yes master. I will wear one on each wrist, then look into the eyes and become one with the dragon spirit. Then I will feel the wrath of the mighty dragon like a storm within me. *Shakes it off and comes to.*

A week later:

Okay, my dragon eye bracelets are here! *Attaches one to each wrist. Crosses wrists like Wonder Woman and locks my eyes with dragon eyes.* That’s strange. Nothing’s happening. What a rip. I mean they’re beautiful and all, but- Oh man. Sudden diarrhea belly. I’m feeling the wrath of the mighty dragon like a storm within me alright. I’ll be back later peeps.
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Gothic Horror Chess Set

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Gothic Horror Chess Set
Who knows how to play chess? Not me. I usually just bluff my way through a few rounds and then flip the table, knocking all the pieces down as I yell Checkmate. Then I walk away the clear winner cuz I didn’t waste two hours playing a nerd game. Even though I usually go home and play with action figures.

But if you have to play brainiac nerd games, this Gothic Horror Chess Set should do the trick. It features Frankenstein’s Monster, Dracula, Jekyll and Hyde, and Zombies. Oh and two nerds on either side of the board. I’m sorry. I’m just jealous cuz my sister sank my battleship then beat me at Connect Four.

Where?

There, diagonally!