Tag: halloween

Game Over Man: Wedding Ring Casket

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Game Over Man Wedding Ring Casket
The Wedding Ring Casket is a tiny casket that symbolizes the death of your marriage. Just put your ring inside and and bury your wedding ring after you get divorced. If you ever want to get married again you’re basically a grave robber, cuz I don’t know about you, but I’m not buying a brand new wedding ring for a jillion dollars when I have a perfectly good one buried in the backyard between a parakeet and two turtles.

I’m not married, but I bought the ring like 20 years ago for when I meet the right girl. I think I’m just gonna bury it now and save myself some trouble. Hey, if I bury this thing and a worm crawls in the ring, are we married? I think that might be legally binding. Also, it would mean I have worms. That doctor was so right and all I did was yell and demand my lollipop while rubbing my butt against the floor. I knew if I waited long enough SOMETHING would worm it’s way into my heart.

Disco Zombie Skeleton Has Saturday Night Fever

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Disco Zombie Skeleton Saturday Night Dead
The Zombie plague has been unleashed. Zombies are back and they brought Disco with them! OH MY GAWD! WHICH DO WE KILL FIRST?

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ undead, stayin’ undead
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ undead.

This Disco Zombie Skeleton has all of the moves and he brought his own Disco ball. In fact, Saturday Night Fever is probably what killed him, but it was Disco that brought him back. I dig that jacket. This guy is getting all the ladies tonight.

Heh. More like Saturday Night Femur? Am I right? *High fives all of you one by one.*

Porcelain Figurines With Insect Heads

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Porcelain Figurines With Insect Heads
Etsy seller CuriousCryptidCurios makes all kinds of cool and freaky and trippy Porcelain Figurines With Insect Heads. Or as I like to call Miss Mantis’ work…Chantilly lace and a Mantis Face. These don’t look like my grandma’s figurines. Well, there was that one day. Visiting grandma’s house on LSD is NOT recommended. I spent half the walk there trying to get rid of a big bad wolf who had the swirling cosmos behind it’s hooded cowl.

Over the river and through the woods, to Grandmother’s house we go…Insane! Once I got there the Praying Mantis figures greeted me, we had dinner, talked with the elf elders from behind the cupboard and finally worshiped at the altar of my grandmother’s dentures on the sink. Good times. David Lynch was there, as were various melty things like reality itself. You gotta do what ya gotta do to deal with grandma’s stories.
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Life Size Zombie Head Purse

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Life Size Zombie Head Handbag
This Life Size Zombie Head Purse is pre-shot for your enjoyment. It’s the perfect place to hold all of your post-apocalyptic necessities. Like guns, knives and first-aid kits. Plus, whenever you get accosted by a zombie you can just hold this head up and let ’em know you mean business. You wanna be next? Huh? How ’bout I install a zipper in that rotting melon you call a head and pack my makeup inside! You like that?

Speaking of makeup, that purse could use some eye cream. Check out all those bags under his eyes. I haven’t seen so many old and wrinkly bags since the 1986 Golden Girls convention, but when you’re a super fan like me ya just gotta deal. Look at the bloodshot eyes on this thing too. And the hole in the head. Maybe keep your lipstick in that hole for easy access.

Zombie Mickey And Minnie Mouse Tea-Light Holders

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Zombie Mickey And Minnie Mouse Tea-Light Holders
These Zombie Mickey And Minnie Mouse Tea-Light Holders show the true undead faces of this Disney couple. Put some candles in their heads and set the mood. A dark and horror-themed mood, with you dining alone on some Mac and Cheese…with two zombie mice staring at you. Ready to kill. Yet they never do, night after horror-filled night.

Sorry. My future just flashed before my eyes.