12 Chocolate Caramel Toffee Skulls. All around a table. The fate of one man in their hands. What will they decide? Is he innocent. Or guilty of murder? It’s so tense!
That’s 12 Angry men you idiot!
Oh. Well… You don’t know they aren’t angry. And delicious. They look like Skeletor after he fell asleep for like 10 hours in a tanning bed.
“The Plague Doctor will see you now.”
“Oh thank God. Hey Doc I got this- WTF! What kind of foul trick is this? Where did you get your doctorate? Perdue? Get it? Cuz your a bird faced weirdo? You gonna give me a flu shot? Let me guess. Is it the bird flu? Or the bird flew? Damn I crack myself up. You look like a flapper. Wing flapper that is! Well, you probably already gave me the plague so I’m outta here to go spread it.”
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Hey look! An Eatja board. Clever word-pun for a Ouija Board cutting board. You can remind yourself of that little laugh when you cut your finger on this thing while chopping vegetables as your blood runs into the various letters spelling E-F-F-I-N-G…O-U-C-H!
I like to slap a piece of steak down and cut a hole in the middle, then place my fingers down gently and watch that flesh move across the board as I look for guidance on my meal. *Meat moves* H-A-V-E…A…S-A-L-A-D!
The other side really is full of evil!!!! GET OUT OF HERE SATAN! *Throws board in my grill and lights it on fire. Uses fire to cook steak.*
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Is that a Nosferatu cookie or that dude from Despicable me after a few months of Jenny Craig? I have no idea, but I’m gonna chomp these cookies up like crazy. You get a half dozen (that means 6 for all of your mathematically challenged folks. No worries. It took me like 10 minute to get the answer.).
Damn, the eyes on this cookie really seem to follow you! *Moves cookie from side to side slowly, checking out it’s eyes. Moves it up and down.* Stop looking at me while I eat you! *Flips cookie over so it’s back is toward me. Starts eating each from behind. Then notices the mirror in front of me and sees that it is still watching me. Hisses loudly and claws at the image, continuing to devour them.*
Check out Hypno and Slutzo. Sounds like a demented Vegas Clown act. Step right up ladies and germs. Hypno will control your mind and Slutzo will do unspeakable things to you. You’ll laugh, you’ll scream. You’ll cry your eyes out and wish to pluck them from your skull.
Hypno is 7 feet tall and creepy as f**k. He holds some kind of hypnotizing wand that flashes crazy colors as he talks about how he loves children. Don’t believe me? Check out the video below. Slutzo is self explanatory. Both are scary and evil as hell. You can’t unsee them.
Read more “Hypno And Slutzo The Clowns”