Tag: monster

Leather Dragon Eye Bracelets

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Leather Dragon Eye Bracelets
Check out these Leather Dragon Eye Bracelets from LeasBoutique. They have all kinds of cool bracelets. Soooooo hypnotizing. *Feels sleepy* Yes master. I will wear one on each wrist, then look into the eyes and become one with the dragon spirit. Then I will feel the wrath of the mighty dragon like a storm within me. *Shakes it off and comes to.*

A week later:

Okay, my dragon eye bracelets are here! *Attaches one to each wrist. Crosses wrists like Wonder Woman and locks my eyes with dragon eyes.* That’s strange. Nothing’s happening. What a rip. I mean they’re beautiful and all, but- Oh man. Sudden diarrhea belly. I’m feeling the wrath of the mighty dragon like a storm within me alright. I’ll be back later peeps.
Read more “Leather Dragon Eye Bracelets”

Disco Zombie Skeleton Has Saturday Night Fever

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Disco Zombie Skeleton Saturday Night Dead
The Zombie plague has been unleashed. Zombies are back and they brought Disco with them! OH MY GAWD! WHICH DO WE KILL FIRST?

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ undead, stayin’ undead
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ undead.

This Disco Zombie Skeleton has all of the moves and he brought his own Disco ball. In fact, Saturday Night Fever is probably what killed him, but it was Disco that brought him back. I dig that jacket. This guy is getting all the ladies tonight.

Heh. More like Saturday Night Femur? Am I right? *High fives all of you one by one.*

These Kraken Heels Are Tenta-Cool

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Unleash The Kraken... Heels
What’s Kraken baby? Your Kraken Heels that’s what? Now you can unleash it whenever you open your closet and put these bad boys on. When you wear a creature from the abyss, the abyss looks back at you. Cuz these shoes have eyes. I feel like a heel after typing that. These shoes are tenta-cool and hopefully not tenta-cruel to your feet. Now you will be taking each step with your tootsies wrapped in the cold and slimy embrace of a sea monster.

If your shoes have eyes, you are looking up your own skirt. Just saying. I hope you get a good eyeful of your own stuff.

Poop Monster

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

Poop Monster
I think we’ve all seen these guys. You’re minding your own business eating like your 10th taco when suddenly you start to cramp and have to make a run for the border. You strain, you curse, you do that fast pregnancy breathing thing and boom, next thing you know you drop a Poop Monster. Mine usually looks sad and waves his stumpy poop arms at me before I flush and whisk him away to the land of fecal enchantment.

Creepy Funny Horror Fashion Photos

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Creepy Funny Horror Pics
Etsy seller MadrigalleryDotCom may be a serial killer. Call it a hunch. Either that or they are making their own version of American Horror story. They sell all kinds of photos/nightmare fuel. These are just a few examples. Thanks internet. Yet again, there’s no way I’m sleeping tonight.

You got your weird-ass glittery demon in red who just washed her hair, a weird-ass demon with a chocolate chip cookie and many more. I can identify with the cookie one. I’m a demon for cookies too.

Pro tip: If you have company that you want gone, buy these and put them in every room. Act like they are normal. Better yet, dress to match them.

Can you imagine the photo shoot? Work it. Work it girl. Turn to the left. Give me more horn. Love that attitude. Hold the cookie! The cookie is everything! More teeth!
Read more “Creepy Funny Horror Fashion Photos”