Tag: novelty

Crazy Creature Bangles

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Crazy Creature Bangles
These Crazy Creature Bangles from VoodooDelicious range from cute to creepy. They come in monster, demon and tentacle varieties. I don’t know about you, but I’m always looking down at my wrist and wondering what it would be like to have a monster living on it. Sometimes in my mind, I’m wearing a monster on each wrist and I make them fight by banging them together and making grunting noises.

That’s usually when nice old ladies approach and tell me what a sweet boy I am and ask if I got separated from my mommy. And then mall security arrives and I get carted off to an all-expenses paid trip to the funny place with the medicine. It’s called imagination people. I was too busy fighting monsters to fight them. Which is exactly how they get ya.
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Cast Bronze Finger Wine Stoppers

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Cast Bronze Finger Wine Stoppers
I’ll have two fingers of whiskey bartender! This is wine, we don’t measure it in fingers. We do now thanks to these Cast Bronze Finger Wine Stoppers. Hey! What’d ya give me the finger for? I wonder if I can get a five-finger discount on these. Ha! I crack myself up.

I bet you never fingered me for a comedian. Ewwwwww. The beginning of that sentence didn’t sound right. I’m hoping you wouldn’t do that for anyone, let alone a comedian. And why would he want that? Is it part of his act? Now I made it awkward didn’t I? I’m sorry. Love you guys. Do you love me back? Gah. Made it awkward again.

Zombie Tarot Cards

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Zombie Tarot Cards
Look at the Zombie Tarot Cards. What do you see in my future? Is it bad? Is it the death card? Worse? Ohhhh the undead card. That sounds worse somehow. I’m just gonna shoot myself now, cuz all that walking around that zombies do looks wayyyy too tiring.

The upside is, if the zombies rise up, we can all attach our fitbits to their rotting wrists and brag about all the miles we’ve walked. People would be all like, “Then why are you still so fat?” Two words. Thyroid condition. Yeah, so back off.
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Humpty Dumpty Halloween Weirdness

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Humpty Dumpty Halloween Weirdness
Here’s something to get egg-cited about. Etsy seller AllysonNagelOriginal makes all kinds of weird, but cool, Humpty Dumpty porcelain figures and scenes. I hear they were still making these figures right up until Yolk-o broke up the band and left things scrambled.

These figures are fun. They make me want to do the Humpty Dance with all of you. *Some woman in Iowa gasps in horror, then calls the police to try to stop this mass orgy before it happens.* Chill lady. I mean it in a non-pervy way. For once. Check out the bonus video below.

Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump.
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Custom Notebook Panties

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Custom Notebook Panties
These Custom Notebook Panties can be customized with any message you want. They make your lower area look like notebook paper.

I got a pair of these for myself recently, so I can write the great american novel and display it on my backside. Only tweet sized. Problem is I have writers block so I had to order several pairs.

It was a dark and stormy night… Ugh! Crumbles panties up and throws them in the trash can. Then remembers they are panties and retrieves them to throw in the hamper. Loads up another pair in my old-timey typewriter.*

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